Believe it or not, black men are afraid to get married. It doesn’t take a sociology major, news report, or study to see the apprehension black men have towards marriage. It just takes a few beers and a relationship with a hand full of them before they open up about their feelings.
Let me state for the record, I’m a happily married man of almost 13 years with my wonderful wife. I’m the first brother in my circle to get married while we were in college. I speak very highly of marriage, always have. It is something I have wanted my entire life. I was raised by my parents who got married in 1954 and are still married to this day. So, when I found my bride, I hung on to her.
I have talked to PLENTY of black men about this subject and want to share my feedback with you on why they afraid to get married. At the end of the article, share your thoughts and what should be added to the list.
Lose Respect of Their Peers
About 50 years ago, marriage revered and the expected right of passage in the black community. However, things are much different today. Marriage in the black male community is not the thing to do.
Today, black men are afraid of marriage because they feel they will lose the respect or approval of their friends. It is negative peer pressure at work, but they shouldn’t feel this way. As you evolve in manhood, you find out if people don’t respect you for your choices, then maybe they shouldn’t be in your life in the first place.
Give Up Their Freedom
Black men feel like marriage means they will no longer be in control of their lives. They will have to submit to the whims of their tyrannical bride in order to keep their marriage a happy one. You know the saying, “Happy Wife, Happy Life.”
In order to avoid this loss of freedom, they avoid marriage all together. They rather not marry in order to be able to come and go as they please. Hang out at the clubs, engage in their hobbies, just live their life the way they desire without having to be responsible to another person, but this is just a lack of maturity and understanding of marriage because it doesn’t have to be like this.
The only way this reality is true is if you marry the wrong person. The person that wants or demands you to fit into their box instead of appreciating you for the person you are. Black men need to understand marriage isn’t a death sentence on their lives, but an opportunity to share it with a wonderful person if they think with the head above their shoulders, not below, and select the right mate for them.
Losing their Friends
I have listen to black men say they don’t want to give up their lives, friends, and social life in exchange their bride and family. You might think i’m kidding, but i’m serious. They act as if there is no way their new life of marriage can co-exist with their friends, but it can.
Now, if you and your friends were constantly up to no good, then you are right, this isn’t going to work. However, if you are mature enough to know somethings are going to change, but change is the natural progression of life, then everything will be fine. Your friends will eventually respect your situation, family and new bride. They will even respect you for your decision to marry and commitment to your family.
Don’t Want To Give Up The Player
This is real. Black men grow up being taught the player life of dealing with a bunch of women, never sharing your life with them or falling in love is how men SHOULD deal with women. This viewpoint retards black men when it comes to marriage and relationships because they don’t want to give up the player life.
Most men cannot fathom life with one woman or sex with one person for the rest of their life. They think it will get old and boring, but no one is telling them how wonderful it can be. Being able to be open, honest and your real self with one person is something special and both of you are willing to go to new heights with one another.
Belief In The Marriage Stereotypes
You must be aware black men believe all the stereotypes of marriage and want nothing to do with them. They are certain their wife is going to nag them to death about any and everything. The wife is going to transform into a sexless being that is all about money, the kids, and wine. She is going to be come a strict task master who only wants to see her Honey-Do list completed.
This belief is funny, but you can tell black men are only getting their information from non-married people or unhappily married men. These stereotypes are wrong and off base DEPENDING ON WHO YOU MARRIED. I think it is most important to select the right person to marry and if you do, then you will live a wonderful married life. If not, you could be come one of these bitter men walking around perpetuating these marriage stereotypes.
Classic Fear of Commitment
It is true, black men have the classic fear of commitment most people talk about when it comes to marriage. Being with one person is something that seems unnatural to most black men. They are afraid to be vulnerable and completely giving themselves up for another person in addition to all the horror stories they are told about marriage.
I think this fear is a natural feeling all people experience. However, in my marriage I have found it to be amazing. Yes, my wife and I have had our rough patches, but we have stuck it out and things are getting better and better. There is nothing like coming home to that one person that knows you best and she has a big smile on her face because has been wanting to see you all day.
The Nightmare Financial Investment
Black women tend to dream about the fairytale wedding, but black men think about the nightmare wedding expense. This is very true. Black men really don’t dream about the wedding day. It is just an expense to them. Besides, how many people do you know who have spent $20,000 to $50,000 on their wedding day and end up divorced?
Answer: TOO MANY! Black men think about this constantly and find it to be foolish, but will do it if their bride insist.
Personally, I think weddings are a waste of time, but if my wife wanted to have one, then we would have. Fortunately, she didn’t want a wedding either and things seem to be working out great for us. 13 years later, we are still happily married and looking forward to an empty nest so we can resume our courtship without the in home responsibilities of raising a child.