Before we get into the list, let me be clear. I am in no way saying the death of courting and chivalry in the black community is solely the fault of black women. As discussed in the last article on this subject, black men hold their fair share of culpability in this matter. There is no doubt about it, but black women have theirs as well. Just highlighting how black women have contributed to what I see as a problem.
Let’s take a moment to review the reasons black women have contributed to the death of courting and chivalry in the black community.
Flat out, it is no longer a required element to date most black women. Our women have fallen into a pattern of accepting whatever behavior the men/boys in the black community throw at them. Our women don’t stop them and say, “You don’t treat me like that. I am a lady and will be respected at all times.”
I am reminded of the character in “Act Like A Lady, But Think Like A Man” movie where she wouldn’t get into the car until the gentlemen opened the door for her. Scenes of doors being opened or this accompanying gentlemen like behavior don’t happen in our community any longer. This is mostly because it is no longer required.
Put Lust Before Love
Our black women these days are too quick to jump in the bed and have sex with any swinging Willie that comes along. Obviously not all, but a significant number have moved into this stage of living. They are putting the physical above and before the mental, then wondering why they cannot find a man that wants them for more than their body.
If you are willing to spread provacative pictures of yourself sitting on sinks, spreading wide, propping up your breast or dropping it low, then you are helping to destroy courting and chivalry in the black community. Period. There is no way any respectable man wants to see his lady objectified in this manner. And if this is how you lead, with your ASSets, then you will not get the respect or positive attention you deserve.
It’s not just the ladies! Read 7 Reasons Black Men Should Return to the Old School Values of Courting and Chivalry.
Substituting Money For Respect
I’m not going to call it prostitution, but many of our black women are willing to accept rude, promiscuous, an negative behaviors in exchange for money and material items. This is a reflection of our overall embracing of materialism as a society and community, but it seems to be a contributor to the demise of courting and chivalry in the black community. It is time for us to let this behavior go, have more respect for ourselves, and demand more from the men seeking a relationship or encounter from our black women.
Modeling The Wrong Role Models
Flat out, this era of television, social media and reality television is killing us. Our women seem to be latching on to the wrong women when it comes to role models. The women of Basketball Wives, Love and Hip Hop and other shows carry more weight and influence in the community rather than Michelle Obama, Cynthia McKinney, or even Melody Hobson. We need a change more respectable role models in our community.
Accepting Hip Hop’s View Of Women As Bitches And Hoes
This is probably one of the most egregious errors of black women in our community. They seem to embrace the foul language, B-Word slagging hip hop entertainers and music. If they are not appalled by the artist calling them out their name, then they are more likely to accept it from the men/boys they encounter on a day to day basis. Why would a man be chivalrous when you will answer to the B-word or call yourself that?
Continue To Date Men That Sag and Have “Swag” Over Gentlemen
Ladies, BOYS have swag and sag their pants. These are not the activities or vernacular of gentlemen. You get what you deserve when you accept this mess. One’s standards must be low or their are in a minor mental state if you are going to walk around showing your underwear, so you can’t complain when they treat you inappropriately. Raise your expectations.
Black Women Lowered Their Standards
Bottom line, the standards of black women have dropped. They are willing to accept any and everything a man will throw at them if it comes with some trinkets, money or attention. It is really sad to see. Hopefully, the time will come soon when these standards will be raised.