Do Women Want To Be Objectified Or Desired?

“A woman should have more to offer than how good she looks. The true value of a young black woman is her mind.”

- Natasha Anderson to Aaliyah Anderson, “The Diary Of Aaliyah Anderson”

Aimlessly scrolling through Facebook, I ran across an interesting article that my role model Michael Baisden posted to his Facebook fan page. The article was entitled  Do Women Want To Be Objectified? by Dr. Juliana Breines of PsychologyToday.com. Psychology Today is one of the most on point websites that I read on a daily so I decided to take some time out to read the write-up. And it was incredibly eye opening and motivated me to add in my two cents on the topic.

The lovely Gabrielle Dennis who played "Janay" on "The Game.

The lovely Gabrielle Dennis who played “Janay” on “The Game”.

The article was bore out of a quote by actress Cameron Diaz. In a recent interview she said, “I think every woman does want to be objectified.” Dr. Breines goes on to break down the meaning of sexual objectification and observational studies that both support and contradict Diaz’s quote. In a nutshell, the studies showed that many of the women observed just didn’t feel comfortable in the skin they were in. According to the article, the act of  “self-objectification” is bore out of vanity and can distract from successful intimate relationship building. Dr. Breines says:

Even if you look like a supermodel (the missing demographic at neuroscience conferences, according to the professor mentioned above), this objectifying gaze, and your chronic awareness of it, will undoubtedly interfere with your ability to get the most out of the conference. And even in situations where your goals are more romantic, preoccupation with appearance can detract from actually getting to know someone.”

Personally, I don’t like the word “objectification” that’s used in the article. While I understand where Dr. Breines is coming from, I don’t feel as if anybody wants to be “objectified”. Merrium-Webster defines the word objectify as “treating an individual as an object”. I think the word that better fits the content of the article and the information that she was discerning is “desire”. Merrium-Webster defines desire as “wanting or wishing for something: to feel desire for (something)”.

The change of verbiage really makes the article more powerful in its content. Women simply want to feel desired both in normal social settings and intimate relationships. You can desire a person in every conceivable way, especially sexually. However, we allow our sexuality to contort our reality of what an ideal partner is. Sexual compatibility is important but what happened to just plain out admiring your significant other? Is the act of sexual intercourse the only way we can show love in this society?

 

I know that I personally desire a woman that can attract me with her femininity, intelligence and dynamic personality. As a BMB (Business Minded Brother), my needs go beyond the bedroom. Sex doesn’t drive or control me. I openly proclaim it and stand by it. The taming of my sexuality helps me in gauging the worth of a potential female friend, acquaintance or even girlfriend without factoring in how good she looks. If they serve in advancing my cause and breathing life into me, they become a part of my circle. Likewise, if they prove to be proverbially cancerous to what I stand for, they get cut off. I don’t have time to play games with li’l girls!

 

All in all, the article was eye opening and caused me to think critically about the state of affairs we’re in as a society when “objectification” is the key driving factor of young women in this society. All I know is that I will forever preach that women should be well-rounded and diverse in every area and shouldn’t be limited to just being a pretty face, salvageable body or sex machine. If a guy can only see you as that, maybe you made the wrong choice. I’m just saying! There’s better options out here…….

Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-love-and-war/201211/do-women-want-be-objectified

 

The Randall Barnes Experience

-We came, we saw, we conquered! My debut publishing effort “Riverview High: Circumstances” reached #2 on the Amazon charts! Check it out on Amazon today. Don’t forget to leave a review!

http://www.amazon.com/Riverview-High-Circumstances-Young-Fiction-ebook/dp/B00O2FCWGY/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

-“The Diary Of Aaliyah Anderson” is out now! Make sure to go get it!

http://www.amazon.com/Diary-Aaliyah-Anderson-Randall-Barnes/dp/0988762196/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404822785&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Diary+Of+Aaliyah+Anderson

Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:

Email:[email protected]

Kik: @AuthorRandallB

Ask.Fm: @YoungandGiftedBooks

Twitter: @AuthorRandallB

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/randall.barnes.501

 

 

 

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Be Proud Of Who You Are! (Message To The Young Women Of The World)

“Love yourself, girl, or nobody will. Though you’re a woman, I don’t know how you deal. With all the pressure to look impressive and go out in heels; I feel for you. Killing yourself to find a man that’ll kill for you”

- J. Cole, “Crooked Smile”

The users of this social media world we seemingly live in are always talking about something. This weekend is no different! The internet is ablaze about rapper T.I.’s wife questionable eye color change. Supposedly, she went in with the intent to change the hue of her eyes from a dark brown to a sharp gray color. It’s always disheartening to see a celebrity picked apart for a life decision that isn’t overtly negative but Tiny’s decision to undergo this surgery warrants a deeper discussion.

Tiny is a known figure in the black community due to her marriage to one of the most popular hip-hop artists in recent memory. Let’s not forget to mention that she’s a former member of the R&B group Xscape, successful entrepreneur and reality T.V. star. Every Monday her life is put on display to millions of people around the nation. With that much public visibility comes tremendous influence that many celebrities and T.V. personalities don’t realize that they have.

Tiny advocates eye change to fans When you’re a celebrity, your every move is put under a microscope. Young women  around the nation look up to these T.V. stars almost like role models, associating with  their struggles and triumphs. They then start to dress like their favorite larger than life  personalities, even subliminally taking on their mannerisms and attitude ques. With  great power comes great responsibility and many of these females acting out on these  T.V. shows don’t understand the social ramifications of their actions. I’m making it a  big deal because it is a big deal. I’m not pulling things out the sky. I’m in high school  and I see these females living out their Joseline Hernandez fantasies!

Not to say that Tiny is as deplorable as the cast of the collective Love & Hip Hop   franchise but her realm of influence is wide, maybe even more so than other black  women on reality T.V. to date. Advocating young women to get surgery on their eyes just  to change their eye color isn’t cool at all! And yes, she did advocate unnecessary eye  surgery to her estimated two million social media followers. So a woman that’s on our  television sets every Monday and has a social media reach that extensive isn’t  influential?

This article isn’t about Tiny though, although she sparked the conversation. It’s about the young women that feel inadequate with who they are. Maybe they believe that that, based on the beauty standard of Hollywood, that they’re too big or small, too light or dark, too boisterous or monotone. Appealing to the public runs our mindset but young women are especially forced and coerced to live up to these vain standards.

You never will be fully satisfied if you choose to neglect who you authentically are. Yeah, you may get the adulation of the people around you but how can you look at yourself in the mirror? How can you walk through life knowing that you’re wearing an uncomfortable mask that hides your inner beauty?

There isn’t a need to change anything that isn’t an immediate threat to your health. To exist in a stone cold prison like a public high school, or the world in general, you must walk with your head upright. Your self-esteem should be so high and your self-image should be so positive that you should almost be arrogant! People that you don’t even know will try to block your destiny and break you down but it’s up to you to brush off their negativity and keep it moving.

I’m a young man that values a young woman that knows who she is. Unfortunately, I don’t come in contact with many young women like that because they’re seemingly lost in the crowd of thots, groupies, manipulators and vanity slaves that plague the world. And the few ones I do see are in productive relationships with good brothers that know how to value them. It’s a catch 22 but I know how the game is played.

The thugs, players and heartbreakers get their pick of the litter of the supposed “top-tier” females (usually based on looks only).bild-1 Even the BMS (Business Minded Sisters) fall susceptible to their whims. Meanwhile the BMBs of the world are looked down on for being too focused on their goals and “boring”. But, in ten years or less, these same females that looked down at us BMBs will be choosing up when the guys they wanted back in the day bounce on them and we got wealth, power and influence.

Same ol’ story, just a different generation. When will we ever learn?

Long story short, don’t change yourself to garner our attention. Worry about yourself and what makes you happy. Most guys don’t even understand how you get down anyway! Don’t lose yourself. Be comfortable in the skin you in and you’ll will receive dividends that are substantial.

In relation to Tiny, we can’t shame her for what she does. It’s her life and it doesn’t concern us! She should be cognizant of what she does due to her status though. Not only are her millions of fans watching her moves but her children as well. I’ll leave it at that………

 

#MissingTeenAlert: All my folks in Georgia be on the lookout. Fifteen year old Destiny Taylor has gone missing. Spread the word and bring this young lady back to her parents! 
#socialmediamobilization
#findourmissingchildren

Finding Destiny (Resized)

We came, we saw, we conquered! My debut publishing effort “Riverview High: Circumstances” reached #2 on the Amazon charts! Check it out on Amazon today. Don’t forget to leave a review!

http://www.amazon.com/Riverview-High-Circumstances-Young-Fiction-ebook/dp/B00O2FCWGY/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

“The Diary Of Aaliyah Anderson” is dropping this month!

Read The Pre-Release Preview: https://payhip.com/b/DhLU 

Preorder Now: http://www.amazon.com/Diary-Aaliyah-Anderson-Randall-Barnes/dp/0988762196/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404822785&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Diary+Of+Aaliyah+Anderson

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Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:

Email:[email protected]

Kik: @AuthorRandallB

Ask.Fm: @YoungandGiftedBooks

Twitter: @AuthorRandallB

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/randall.barnes.501

 

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When Kissing & Telling Goes Wrong: The Nick Cannon Story

“I’ma put it like this: If my marriage don’t work out, it is solely your (Big Boy’s) fault. So go ahead and feel that!”

Nick Cannon, “Big Boy’s Neighborhood”, July 5, 2014

Earlier this week, news leaked that the power couple that is Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have now parted ways in a quick, sudden divorce. Personally, I was shocked. I’m not a man that chooses to delve in celebrity relationship matters but I look up to Nick Cannon as a role model. He’s a brother that started off in the game young, paid his dues and is now self made and on the top of the world. So I took some free time to research up on what happened to cause them to drift apart. And I was left in shock.

Many reports have come out in the past few days about what happened to cause their marital union to far apart. Some sources say that Mariah felt that Nick wasn’t spending enough time with her, being engulfed in his different movie and television project. While that may have played a part in the tension, many sources say that Nick’s appearance on Los Angeles based radio personality Big Boy’s nationally syndicated radio show Big Boy’s Neighborhood drove a dagger through what was publicly perceived as a productive relationship.

After the interview, Nick Cannon stuck around and played the game “Give Me Five” for Big Boy’s YouTube Channel. The game entails Big Boy asking his celebrity guests five uncensored questions that couldn’t be addressed on the regular show. The discussion quickly tuned into Nick Cannon’s many sexcapades with known celebrities. Instead of dodging the question he engaged Big Boy in the question, putting himself in major hot water with his wife at home

 

Big Boy asked, “How many famous women has Nick Cannon been with?”

Nick  directs his gaze to the sky, spins in his chair and stammers before replying, “What does ‘fame’ mean?”

Nick Cannon Discusses Losing His V-Card, Celebrities He's Smashed, Mariah Carey, and More   BigBoyTV - YouTube Big Boy goes on to further clarify for him, “Somebody that we  know—”

 “Man, that’s a whole lot!”Nick Cannon confidently proclaims,  cutting him off, “I mean, if you think about it………this is L.A.! I  mean, that’s the whole purpose. You have sex with actors,  singers, models…..”

 “I don’t want you to name ten.”

 “Ok.”

 “Name five.”

“Five?”

Big Boy nods, “Name five.”

Nick shrugs his shoulders, “That’s easy!”

“That will watch this and say, ‘He’s not lying. That’s not a liability lawsuit.’”

He quickly ponders and starts counting on his fingers, “Mariah Carey—“

“No, you gotta take Mariah out!”

“Nope, you didn’t say that.”

Big Boy chuckles, “Well go ahead then.”

Nick proceeds without a hitch, answering the infamous question that caused Mariah to allegedly file a divorce from him.

He giggles, “Mariah Carey, Christina Miliian, Nicole Scherzinger…….

Big Boy drops his mouth in awe, “Whoa!”

“Umm……these are people that people already know, Selita Ebanks, umm…..what’s another one that just easy that everybody already knows?”

He puts the icing on the cake by shouting out, “Oh, Kim Kardashian! There, five! This is easy.”

Big Boy dawned a confused stare, “Hey dude, I didn’t know about the…..I must be…..ok….I must be coming from under my rock. I didn’t know that Kim Kardashian thing.”

He sighed, “Yes you did Big.”

“No! Did anybody…….am I lying? Did y’all know this?”

Nick just proceeded to dig his own marital grave!

He laughed, “You probably forgot because there’s been a lot of people since me!”

 

Nick Cannon strikes me as a reasonably intelligent dude, brand conscious dude. I wouldn’t look up to him if he wasn’t. His business acumen is impeccable. But, what on earth possessed him to air out his dirty laundry to the world about how many celebrities he’s slept with? He relegated himself to tactics that I see every day from young men that go to my high school.

It’s one thing to brag to the fellas about who you’ve knockedownloadd down in the past. We naturally tend to boast and showout around our friends anyway. But you’re on an aftershow interview with a respected radio personality that has 51, 457 subscribers to date on his “BigBoyTV” YouTube channel and you choose to fire off people that you’ve messed around with? This is a tragic tale of when kissing and telling goes wrong!

We aren’t in any position to judge what Nick Cannon says or does with his life. But, that doesn’t mean that a lesson can’t be learned here. We need to start thinking with the heads on our shoulders and not with our sexual parts. What may feel good and euphoric now will come back to bite you later. Nick Cannon is a thirty-three year old man with two kids by this woman. What happens to them through this mess? Is it worth it to have the “male industry hoe” label tied to you again? What made him regress to this high school lunch table tactic?

Like I said, Nick Cannon is my man and I still do look up to him. However, he’s not above reproach. In my personal opinion he was wrong for indulging in that conversation when he has a wife at home that’s supposedly wanting to spend more time with him. Big Boy, when he came back around on July 5th to promote his MTV2 show Wildin’ Out jokingly said,

“Let me tell you something Mr. Nick Cannon. Every question doesn’t require a real answer.”

Hey, sometimes the funniest jokes are true…….

 

 

The cover to my novel, The Diary Of Aaliyah Anderson. It’s due to come out in late October. You can preoder now at:

http://www.dcbookdiva.com/#!product/prd15/2583730071/the-diary-of-aaliyah-anderson-(pre-order-only)

or

http://www.amazon.com/Diary-Aaliyah-Anderson-Randall-Barnes/dp/0988762196/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408812333&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Diary+Of+Aaliyah+Anderson

Read a preview of the story today!

http://www.wattpad.com/story/6314747-the-diary-of-aaliyah-anderson

10479108_10202155147739757_341243428_n

Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:

Email:[email protected]

Kik: @AuthorRandallB

Ask.Fm: @YoungandGiftedBooks

Twitter: @AuthorRandallB

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/randall.barnes.501

 

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These H*es Ain’t Loyal: Is Loyalty & Commitment Foreign In Modern Day Relationships?

“I’ve been with and talked to about every player in Willowsfield.  It’s crazy! Before you, I couldn’t even talk to a guy without them immediately…..sexualizing me. Guys would always scheme on how to get their name popular in the streets by dating and/or taking the virginity of ‘Damon Anderson’s lil’ sister’. I was just seen as a simple way to get petty street fame. I guess my feelings didn’t matter to them.”

-Aaliyah Anderson, from“The Diary Of Aaliyah Anderson” (Available On Amazon Now!)

After reading my last article, you can tell that I’m a huge supporter of Keke Palmer and her new talk show Just Keke. After the historic premier of the show yesterday afternoon, my love for the concept has risen even more. I must admit, some kinks need to be worked out as the flow of the show wasn’t as smooth as it needs to be. But, I have faith in Keke and her production team to get things right in the months and, hopefully, years to come! One of the major highlights of the first episode was when Keke Palmer elaborated on her Twitter comments about the new hit Chris Brown song Loyal. Believe it or not, music is a vital branch of the media. It changes moods, dictates behavior and holds strong subliminal messages, especially when it’s heard repeatedly like most of the songs on the radio. The root motivation of the single has even been discussed in churches around the nation, although rather controversially. famous-loyalty-quotes-and-sayings-5 Like I’ve said numerous times before, I’ve grown in my views and opinions on the world  around me. I believe that artists are entitled to their own respective artistic expression,  no matter how outrageous or wrong you think the message is. We all have opinions on  different topics and subjects and these different, diverse opinions expressed in a  constructive forum can bring better understanding to the various viewpoints we all  have. A perfect example of a constructive forum where a song like Loyal can be discussed is  the Just Keke program. Keke brought a strong, intelligent opinion to the table that  couldn’t be argued with in any capacity. Although her monologue of the social  ramifications of the arrogant mindset boasted in Loyal was short and to the point, it  was enough to make me smile and give me hope for my generation if we continue to  have productive conversations and produce positive, ambitious media projects such as  this.  “My actual interpretation of the song is: if I can take your girl because I’m rich, she ain’t loyal. Right?” The camera panned on several members of the crowd silently nodding in agreement. The camera then turned back on Keke, “But, because the song is so catchy, I feel the words have been twisted and has created this unintentional movement in our generation that puts pressure on girls to prove their loyalty to guys that aren’t loyal to them.” Keke then went on to say, “I’m sorry but I just don’t agree that you should give someone one hundred percent of yourself when they’re not giving one hundred percent of themselves to you. You set the tone for how people treat you. I’m not saying cheat or lie, I’m saying ‘say goodbye’!” Then and there at that very moment, I knew that Keke Palmer wasn’t going to pull any punches when it came to topics discussed on her show. In under a minute, she expressed a summarized version of everything about relationships that I’d put in nearly all of my novels and articles. A relationship in any situation, whether business or intimate, should have all partners involved put in the correct amount of effort for things to be productive. That’s the problem that we see in modern day relationships, especially in my millennial generation. We’re so narcissistic now days! Everything centers around our own interests. While the concept of individualism is great in the big scheme of things, that dangerously taints your approach to intimate relationships. Guys are the biggest proponents of this as our typical “sexual gratification over everything” approach causes unwanted mental stress on the various females that we aim to get with. Lil’ Wayne, one of the artists that did a verse on the song, gave a perfect example of this mindset.

You know how the game goes

She be mine by half time, I’m the sh*t, oh

Screen-Shot-2014-03-21-at-9.45.25-PM

Those two lines can cause us to go back to the generation old question of why females mess around with guys they know are no good.  I’ve found that no one really has a clear answer for this. I’ve even asked a few females that I consider friends and they all basically told me that, “Attempting to understand how women think is the hardest thing in the world.” “You haven’t lied yet!” was my response. But, after analyzing Chris Brown’s few verses in the song, I realized that he bringing a different viewpoint to the table. Keke’s right, the message and context of the song was taken completely out of proportion. Let’s not forget that the radio edits turned the song into a misogynist, female hating club song. Just like all the other songs on the radio right? However, Chris is indeed talking about a specific type of girl that is easily swayed to the brother with money even though she has a dude that’s not as monetarily flexible. His verses have an egotistical vibe but, still, it’s a narrative that deserves to get expressed.

When a rich nig*a want you (want you baby)

And your nig*a can’t do nothing for ya (no, nothing)

These h*es ain’t loyal

These h*es ain’t loyal

How far does your loyalty and commitment to your partner stretch? If you’re currently single, how far would your loyalty and commitment to your significant other stretch? While Chris didn’t specify what he means by a “broke nig*a”, he did paint the picture of a guy that actually loyal to his woman to a fault. Who, in this case, is the proverbial “h*e”.

When I call her, she gon’ leave

And I bet that bottom dollar she gon’ cheat

Come on, come on, girl

Why you frontin’?

Baby show me something

You just spent your ring on her

And it’s all for nothing

All in all, I’m a fan of Just Keke. I will be tuning in and participating in the social media discussions every chance that I get. She only has four weeks to show BET that this is a show that has longevity. Let’s reevaluate our view on relationships family! Don’t let anyone take your love for granted like the girl that Chris was talking about in the songs. That goes for the brothers and sisters out there. Don’t get it twisted!

We came, we saw, we conquered! My debut publishing effort “Riverview High: Circumstances” reached #2 on the Amazon charts! Check it out on Amazon today. Don’t forget to leave a review!

http://www.amazon.com/Riverview-High-Circumstances-Young-Fiction-ebook/dp/B00O2FCWGY/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

“The Diary Of Aaliyah Anderson” is out now!

Check it out now:  http://www.amazon.com/Diary-Aaliyah-Anderson-Randall-Barnes/dp/0988762196/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404822785&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Diary+Of+Aaliyah+Anderson

10479108_10202155147739757_341243428_n

Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:

Email:[email protected]

Kik: @AuthorRandallB

Ask.Fm: @YoungandGiftedBooks

Twitter: @AuthorRandallB

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/randall.barnes.501

 

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Rebuilding The Family w/Author Chanel Savage

When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching — they are your family.

- Jim Butcher

For decades, we’ve been experiencing a major breakdown of the black family unit. As time has worn on, our situation has gotten worse. Where I’m from, seeing a child that lives in a two parent household is an anomaly. For some, it’s amazing if the mother and father even like each other!

There are several social ramifications to this savage break-up of one of the strongest institutions in our rich history. The epidemic of babies having babies has gotten more widespread. Every teenager knows at least one girl that is currently pregnant or has birthed a baby. Meanwhile, the prison industrial complex has successfully found a way to make black men the new slaves. With an overwhelming amount of black men dead or in jail, the emasculation of the black man has picked up full force. The dominant Black familysociety doesn’t even see us as useful, seeing the fact that our young men get gunned down every day without the batting of an eyelash.

There needs to be a definite change in the tide, family. The narcissistic mindset of our modern day society desperately needs to be lost! As a community, we’re all we’ve got.  We have the power to rebuild our families. We just need to know we have this power!

In the literary space, there have been numerous authors that have created projects inspired by dysfunctional families. Many of them are considered classics and are even studied in educational institutions around America. Author Chanel Savage has decided to put her own spin on things with her new novel Savage Sisters. The novel is based around the central message of family unity and the strength of women. Recently, I got a chance to briefly sit down with her and talk about her novel, the plight of the black family and solutions to this issue.

 

Randall: Your novel Savage Sisters is about the importance of a strong family unit during troubling times. How did this story come about and what was your inspiration behind writing it?

Chanel Savage: I’ve been writing on and off for years.  I would read, see, or hear something and come up with an idea, and start writing.  Then I noticed I had ideas, and started stories I had never finished.  When I started Savage Sisters I said to myself I am going to finish this story. 

I wanted to write about more than one character because I felt that it would keep the book interesting. I wanted my characters to have all different personalities but share a common bond.  I thought a sister hood surrounded by the struggles of their parents, and inheriting a mean streak from their father was perfect. 

The inspiration behind Savage Sisters is the power of women. Although we struggle we still manage get through our 20140308_224029530_iOS situations, sometimes by any means necessary. I think women are so powerful in so many  ways.  But men are indeed stronger. Some take advantage of women and mistreat them. 

  I wanted my characters to take control of their situations, and not feel sorry for themselves.   Shayla, Shanice, Shante, and Shakira Savage all wanted to be loved by the men that they  love.  These men took advantage of them, and mistreated them.  This kind of mistreatment  happens every day in all communities.  The Savage Sisters handled their situation the only  way knew how, by being savages.

 

Randall: Was there a realistic motivation behind the novel?

Chanel Savage: Yes, there was a realistic motivation behind the story.  All of these situations I have either experienced, know someone who has experienced it, or saw it on the news. 

 

Randall: In the black community, there’s been a horrible break down of the family unit. What’s your take on this?

Chanel Savage: My take on the breakdown of the family we aren’t stepping up in our roles. I believe that some black women are not stepping up to the plate and being mothers.  Most black men are in jail or six feet under. The women are so important because we have to raise our children even when the father is not around.  I hate to see our black women not motivated to do better for themselves and their children. 

Public assistance is only supposed to be temporary. Some women stay on it most of their lives. Children are motivated by what they see.  It’s very few children that have a basketball or football talent that will magically elevate them out of the hood. There are also very few black children motivated to go to college.  

As women we have to choose the right man to have children by.  The man we choose has to be someone a child can look up to.  As a women we must creating a household with rules and regulations that are properly put in place.  Some women take mothering as a joke! Displaying that behavior, they are effectively creating another dysfunctional family.

 

Randall: We all love debating over the symptoms and problems surrounding this family issue but I’m in the business of fixing and finding long term solutions to our problems. How can we turn the tide?

Chanel Savage: First of all, no one on this earth is perfect. We all struggle.  Struggling is not about just not having money.  I love all four of my kids.  I think as parents the struggle comes with raising your children.  Most kids just want to be loved and acknowledged. 

I think as parents, or as a single parent, you have to make every day in their life count.  You have to set boundaries.  You have to teach them respect of self, and others.  You have to motivate your kids to be the best they can be.  You have be their number one supporter. You have to show them that family in everything. You have to be their parent.  Everything they do comes from you. The children are our future. It’s so true because we all were once children.

 

Randall: In your opinion, is there a place in the current black literary market for fiction that has an overt message and tackles real world issues?

Chanel Savage: I feel that there is a big place in the literary market for stories that confront real world issues.  Most people who read urban fiction walk out the door and they witness what we write about every day. Our readers love stories that they can relate to. I think everyone wants reality with some added drama rather it be on T.V. or in a book. 

 

To learn more about Chanel Savage, visit www.purpleinkpublishing.com

 

Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:

Email: [email protected]

Kik: @AuthorRandallB

Ask.Fm: @YoungandGiftedBooks

Twitter: @AuthorRandallB

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/randall.barnes.501

 

Check out a preview of my forthcoming Young Adult novel The Diary of Aaliyah Anderson on Wattpad!

http://www.wattpad.com/story/6314747-the-diary-of-aaliyah-anderson

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Femininity Is Dead Pt. 2 (Rhianna vs. TLC)

“Respect yourself and others will respect you.”

- Confucius, “Sayings Of Confucius”

I must admit, I’ve gotten fed up with the dating scene in the black community as of late. This perverted, over-sexualized society that we currently live in has completely warped the mindset of the members of my millennial generation. You can see the epitome of this only looking at some of the young women around me. Is self-respect lost?

Since when has sexual prowess been something more of a commodity than sheer class and intelligence? As a BMB (Business Minded Brother), a woman that has nothing to offer but a big butt and a mean sex game isn’t appealing at all. Maybe that’ll fly for a night or two but no brothers with any game or common sense is paying you any attention. I said it back in my article on Mimi’s sex tape, you have to carry yourself how you want to be treated.

In my years of being in the public school system and training my writing sense, I figured out how to analyze if a female is wortRihanna-CFDA-Dress-600h talking to or even giving energy too. Usually, you can tell by their behavior (obviously), the people they choose to hang around and their entertainment preferences. It’s been brought to my attention that R&B/Pop singer Rhianna is a woman that many young women around me look up to. Some admire her more than Beyoncé and Nicki Minaj!

Nevertheless, Rhianna isn’t the epitome of elegance and class in any way. The quotes “only God can judge me” and “to each its own” are the only ways to explain her crazy antics. Rhianna has been back in the media eye for the virtually invisible dress she wore to the CFDA awards ceremony. The pictures from the event got the social media world talking. Some were in defense of her using the “only God can judge me” style excuse. However, many stood in agreement with the opinion shared by Chili and T-Boz in a recent interview.

The remaining members of TLC said how she dressed was in poor taste. They also pointed out how they became the hottest female R&B group of their time keeping their clothes on. Rhianna wasn’t too pleased with their comments. She immediately changed her profile cover picture to an old topless picture they took to show support for the breast cancer awareness campaign.

The move was obviously to paint Chili and T-Boz as hypocritical old heads hating on the younger generation. But, weren’t they right? The philosophy of womanism and feminism are to provide equal rights for women in this current oppressive society. But, the last time I checked, R&B singers don’t have to come out halfway naked to sell records. They may take their shirts off to show their muscles and put their female fans in a mesmerized daze but that’s the extent of it. Shouldn’t talent matter for women too?

A screenshot of Rhianna's cover picture before she quickly removed it.

A screenshot of Rhianna’s cover picture before she quickly removed it.

 

It’s disheartening to see that twerking, fighting and sex are the only things that young black women can hang on to. I understand the time period that we live in, our current family circumstances, the strong media influence and the fact that women naturally crave attention. However, can it be noted that there’s a better way? Guys have told me that they value a female that doesn’t have to show her behind to get their attention. I’ve said it plenty of times and I’ll say it again!

Now, I’m not a fool in any way. I don’t want to see women walking around like they’re going to a wedding or something all the time! If anything, be a total package. I want a woman that’s beautiful with class, ambition, hustle and intellect with a sensual quality that makes me want to show her how much I love her all the time. That’s not too much to ask is it?

Message to all women: Don’t let your sexual abilities be your only claim to fame. Act the way you want to be treated. Guys worth your attention really want a whole woman. Also (to Rhianna), your point about being your own person is dually noted but let’s not forget that you’re talking to the women that made Unpretty and Waterfall. If anybody knows about becoming a success without walking around half naked in every video, it’s them. Maybe you should take heed!

 

Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:

Email: [email protected]

Ask.Fm: @YoungandGiftedBooks

Twitter: @AuthorRandallB

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/randall.barnes.501

 

Check out a preview of my forthcoming Young Adult novel The Diary of Aaliyah Anderson on Wattpad!

http://www.wattpad.com/story/6314747-the-diary-of-aaliyah-anderson

 

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“These H*es Ain’t Loyal”: Was Jamal Bryant Right?

“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.”

- Audre Lorde

This week, Empowerment Temple pastor Jamal Bryant has been under fire for a video that’s been circulating around the various social media websites recently. In Pastor Byrant’s latest sermon “I’m My Enemies Worst Nightmare” he decided to allude to R&B singer Chris Brown’s new smash radio single Loyal. In the heat of his sermon, Jamal Bryant said:

060414-national-pastor-jamal-bryant-says-controversial-loyal-lyric-during-sermonEvery sister, elbow another sister and say ‘he should’ve listened’! Every brother, would you tap another brother and say ‘I should’ve listened to her’! God help me. Old Saints, ‘yall forgive me but I gotta tell em these h*es ain’t loyal!”

After he made these comments, his congregation shouted and acted as if his comments didn’t offend them. But people got a hold of the video and started forming their own opinions. Jamal Bryant took to Twitter to defend the leaked parts of his sermon. He basically said that his comments were taken out of context and weren’t misogynistic in its nature. He retweeted this:

Now, I’m not here to debate morality and spirituality. I’m also not trying  to  debate over if Pastor Bryant’s comments were right for a church  setting. That’s  not my focus and it’s petty trying to debunk someone’s  beliefs or opinions.  However, I want to confront a broader issue that’s  stemmed from this incident.

Why is the word misogyny thrown out so lightly? Everything that any  black man  says about a woman is labeled as misogynistic. We need to  make it known what  misogyny really is. Merriam-Webster defines the  word as “a hatred of women”.  Even though the definition is incredibly  brief, it’s speaks for itself.

What was misogynistic about Jamal Bryant’s comments? I listened to the whole sermon and, outside that one moment towards the middle of the sermon, it wasn’t anything remotely alarming. He was speaking for the male members of the church, saying that their church experience is vastly different from that of women because of our natural mindsets. It’s documented that women are emotional beings while men thrive on logic and fact. He pointed this out, using specific vernacular to get a rise out of his congregation like every modern day preacher. Nothing more, nothing less.

To go even deeper, he made his message clear that both young men and young women are under attack by the “enemy”. After taking a listen to the sermon in its entirety, you can tell that Pastor Bryant wasn’t talking in a spiteful, misogynistic tone at all. I thoroughly listened to the sermon trying to make sure I didn’t miss anything. In my honest opinion, his comments were taken out of context. But, it’s not the least bit surprising.

We’re seeing media manipulation at work family. We need to understand that, in an argument or debate, the person with the most persuasive skill always has the upper hand. The media can have a title that’s biased but attention grabbing and easily sway the average person that decides not to research further to accept their stance. That’s true power.

Have your own opinion on the matter. I like starting intelligent discussions! But, look at all the facts on the table. Actually take a listen to the sermon before you start throwing shots! My only question to you is this: looking at the context of his words and the download (7)current state of relationship affairs (especially in the black community) was he right or wrong?

 

 Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:

Email: [email protected]

Kik: @AuthorRandallB

Ask.Fm: @YoungandGiftedBooks

Twitter: @AuthorRandallB

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/randall.barnes.501

 

Check out a preview of my forthcoming Young Adult novel The Diary of Aaliyah Anderson on Wattpad!

http://www.wattpad.com/story/6314747-the-diary-of-aaliyah-anderson

 

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The Voices Of A New Generation (Inspired By Maya Angelou)

“There is a place in God’s sun for the youth “farthest down” who has the vision, the determination, and the courage to reach it.”

- Mary McLeod Bethune

Marcus Garvey, Martin Luther King Jr., Huey P. Newton and Bobby Seale. What do these extraordinary men have in common? They started to make their mark on the world at a remarkably young age. With the passing of the iconic literary legend that is Dr. Maya Angelou, a conversation has reopened about the youth of today. The question has been asked by many who will continue the work of the ancestors and elders that have passed on to a better place. My question to the people asking that question is this: have i-know-why-the-caged-bird-singsyou not looked at the generation behind you?

Many are blinded and hoodwinked by the pervasive ignorance that is associated with the young people of the black community. There’s so much negativity that has been broadcasted to the world about us that when the topic of passing the torch comes around, we are overlooked entirely. I mean, how is the world going to function when the youth assume there positions as the elders in society? Aren’t we all only concerned with fighting, twerking, smoking weed and buying Jordans? The corporate media stranglehold on black America is frightening and insanely effective.

I came to know about the great Maya Angelou with her poem Still I Rise. My mother, a dynamic public speaker and theater major in college, would always find a way to recite it at whatever function she would be the host of. Even in my early years, the words in the poem resonated with me. It’s such a powerful piece of work! There was especially one part of the poem that spoke volumes to me.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

I feel like that one stanza from the poem can have allegorical context to anyone that is going through struggles in their lives. I especially say that those words speak perfectly to the younger generation that was counted out and neutralized before we even had a chance to grow into our own. We go through so many trials and tribulations trying to come into our own as strong, intelligent black men and women, public enemy number one and two.

10374508_888463831170943_5333957199160896559_n Many of us scared to be an authentic individual because of the backlash we would  justly receive from our peers around us. Because of this we grab on to the closest  thing possible to identify with, whether it’s positive or negative. Often times, the  negative side of things is so easy to gravitate towards. It’s instant, it’s gratifying in  itself. Plus, there’s always a large amount of people doing things negative in it’s  origin. Believe it or not, it’s a struggle to walk the right path.

But it is possible!

Let’s use the example of queen mother Maya Angelou. She went through so much  in her long life. But, she found her voice and became one of the most prolific  writers in recent memory. Her work has inspired and uplifted millions of people,  regardless of age, race or gender. Now, she’s immortalized in history!

It’s incredibly disheartening that she left us but let’s not forget the image of class, intellect and elegance that she portrayed on a daily basis. Dr. Angelou stumbled a lot in her life but she eventually found her footing. Can you allow the black youth of the world to find their voice. As a matter of fact, can you assist us in this endeavor? That is how you usher in the next generation of thinkers, scholars, icons and prophets.

We are quickly coming into our own, using our own unique outlets to express our struggles and triumphs to the world. It’s just up to the elders of the community to hear us and take heed of it. The voices of the new generation can’t be silenced. We are here to usher in a new generation of activism, just like Dr. Maya Angelou did before us!

 

Maya Angelou

April 4, 1928-May 28,2014

R.I.P Queen XOXO

 


The Randall Barnes Experience

-We came, we saw, we conquered! My debut publishing effort “Riverview High: Circumstances” reached #2 on the Amazon charts! Check it out on Amazon today. Don’t forget to leave a review!

http://www.amazon.com/Riverview-High-Circumstances-Young-Fiction-ebook/dp/B00O2FCWGY/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

-“The Diary Of Aaliyah Anderson” is out now! Make sure to go get it!

http://www.amazon.com/Diary-Aaliyah-Anderson-Randall-Barnes/dp/0988762196/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404822785&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Diary+Of+Aaliyah+Anderson

Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:

Email:[email protected]

Kik: @AuthorRandallB

Ask.Fm: @YoungandGiftedBooks

Twitter: @AuthorRandallB

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/randall.barnes.501

 

 

 

 

 

 

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