6 Dating Color Complexes Black Men Have That Need To Change

The subject of color complexes in the black community is nothing new, but makes for an interesting discussion when it comes to dating. We know many of our people, especially black men, struggle with the disease known as color complex, but I promise I have a solid point to make at the end of the article, so please stay with me.

As a black male, I can tell you with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY many of these color complex stereotypes exist in the black community. They are relics of the mental and physical retardation effects of slavery and perpetuated in the music, culture and stories told by black men over the generations. They are frustrating, degrading, and most of the time down right off basis, but they continue to live and breathe in our community for the consumption of the next generation.

shades of womenLet’s air them out and have a discussion.

Light Skinned Women Are More Attractive

Unfortunately, this is a color complex taught to men at an early age. Maybe it has something to do with the “Baby Doll Test” that has black children selecting the white baby doll over the black one. They attribute beauty and good behaviors to the white baby doll and ugly, bad behaviors to the black doll.

The media is saturating our minds with white images and we are associating beauty with them. The residual effect on dating is men attribute “light skinned” women with being closer to white, therefore, they are beautiful.

Nevertheless, if you listen to hip hop music or sit around in a barber shop, you will find men the country over talking about how light skinned women are just more attractive.

Brown Skinned Women Are Down To Earth And Natural

The brown skinned woman can’t escape the stereotyping of black men in the dating area, but mostly in a positive manner. Brown skinned sisters are thought to be more down to earth, “real” than the other shades of black women. They are said to be easier to talk to, have better personalities, and a more endearing disposition.

Dark Skinned Women Are Demanding & Difficult To Engage In A Relationship

Dark skinned women seem to have it the roughest in black men circles. They are not seen as the best looking as you will commonly hear someone say, “she is pretty for a dark skinned woman,” but they are also thought to be the most demanding in relationships.

The thought is they want everything done there way or the highway without any deviation from this position. They constantly nag their man to death about the most trivial things and communication with them is always dreadful. Most men want to avoid them at all cost.

Asian Women Make You Feel Like A Man

Extending the conversation a little bit, let’s throw Asian women into the discussion. Black men feel Asian women really know how to cater to their man. They take care of you like a King putting their needs before hers. You know, how most men feel a relationship should go….all about them. The stereotype of Asian women is they elevate their man and make them feel whole again.

White Women Listen And Allow You To Take The Lead In the Relationship

You will hear black man saying you should date a white woman. Not because they are more attractive, are rich or anything like this, but because they will take a back seat to you. They listen to their black men and follow their lead. These are endearing traits many black men desire in a mate, but claim black women cannot fulfill….all the time.

What Would You Add To This List?

I’m sure these are not all the color complexes of the black men in the community. Take a moment after the article and throw a couple of thoughts on the fire.

While you are considering the question, allow me to wrap up with my observation. These color complexes are silly. If any man really believes any of these are true, then ladies you should have your head examined for dating or even considering dating this man because he is just being ridiculous.

Our behaviors, actions, beliefs and morals don’t come from the color of our skin. They come from our parents, family, community and village we grow up in. They come from the books we read, the educational lessons, and the religion we embrace, not the color of our skin.

Black men, please stop perpetuating these ridiculous stereotypes about our black women and only believe the positive ones about other races. Black women are much more valuable than the opinions of a few misogynistic, bitter and ill-informed myths floating around our communities. If you can’t understand or accept this, then you are fulfilling the negative stereotype, not our beautiful black women of all shades.

Use Facebook to Comment on this Post

8 Ways Black Women Allowed Courting And Chivalry To Die In The Black Community

Before we get into the list, let me be clear. I am in no way saying the death of courting and chivalry in the black community is solely the fault of black women. As discussed in the last article on this subject, black men hold their fair share of culpability in this matter. There is no doubt about it, but black women have theirs as well.  Just highlighting how black women have contributed to what I see as a problem.

Let’s take a moment to review the reasons black women have contributed to the death of courting and chivalry in the black community.

Basketball Wives LA 2011No Longer Require Courting And Chivalry

Flat out, it is no longer a required element to date most black women. Our women have fallen into a pattern of accepting whatever behavior the men/boys in the black community throw at them. Our women don’t stop them and say, “You don’t treat me like that. I am a lady and will be respected at all times.”

I am reminded of the character in “Act Like A Lady, But Think Like A Man” movie where she wouldn’t get into the car until the gentlemen opened the door for her. Scenes of doors being opened or this accompanying gentlemen like behavior don’t happen in our community any longer. This is mostly because it is no longer required.

Put Lust Before Love

Our black women these days are too quick to jump in the bed and have sex with any swinging Willie that comes along. Obviously not all, but a significant number have moved into this stage of living. They are putting the physical above and before the mental, then wondering why they cannot find a man that wants them for more than their body.

Objectifying Yourselves

If you are willing to spread provacative pictures of yourself sitting on sinks, spreading wide, propping up your breast or dropping it low, then you are helping to destroy courting and chivalry in the black community. Period. There is no way any respectable man wants to see his lady objectified in this manner. And if this is how you lead, with your ASSets, then you will not get the respect or positive attention you deserve.

It’s not just the ladies! Read 7 Reasons Black Men Should Return to the Old School Values of Courting and Chivalry.

Substituting Money For Respect

I’m not going to call it prostitution, but many of our black women are willing to accept rude, promiscuous, an negative behaviors in exchange for money and material items. This is a reflection of our overall embracing of materialism as a society and community, but it seems to be a contributor to the demise of courting and chivalry in the black community. It is time for us to let this behavior go, have more respect for ourselves, and demand more from the men seeking a relationship or encounter from our black women.

Modeling The Wrong Role Models

Flat out, this era of television, social media and reality television is killing us. Our women seem to be latching on to the wrong women when it comes to role models. The women of Basketball Wives, Love and Hip Hop and other shows carry more weight and influence in the community rather than Michelle Obama, Cynthia McKinney, or even Melody Hobson. We need a change more respectable role models in our community.

Accepting Hip Hop’s View Of Women As Bitches And Hoes

This is probably one of the most egregious errors of black women in our community. They seem to embrace the foul language, B-Word slagging hip hop entertainers and music. If they are not appalled by the artist calling them out their name, then they are more likely to accept it from the men/boys they encounter on a day to day basis. Why would a man be chivalrous when you will answer to the B-word or call yourself that?

Continue To Date Men That Sag and Have “Swag” Over Gentlemen

Ladies, BOYS have swag and sag their pants. These are not the activities or vernacular of gentlemen. You get what you deserve when you accept this mess. One’s standards must be low or their are in a minor mental state if you are going to walk around showing your underwear, so you can’t complain when they treat you inappropriately. Raise your expectations.

Black Women Lowered Their Standards

Bottom line, the standards of black women have dropped. They are willing to accept any and everything a man will throw at them if it comes with some trinkets, money or attention. It is really sad to see. Hopefully, the time will come soon when these standards will be raised.

What would you add or take away from these observations?

Use Facebook to Comment on this Post

6 Ways Facebook And Social Media Can Ruin Your Relationship

Social media, especially Facebook, is fun. Let’s face it. We all love it. This is why these budding media outlets are growing at exponential rates. They are wonderful. However, danger lurks when it comes to your relationships, so beware.

Today, we want to discuss these dangers to your relationships of Facebook and social media. The aim here is to ensure you are not making these mistakes leaving your relationships open and vulnerable. You must realize that you have good intentions when sharing information and interacting on social media, but not everyone shares your perspective. Some people are out there to cause your relationships harm.

Black-Couple-Arguing-pointing6 Ways Facebook And Social Media Can Ruin Your Relationship

Let’s get down to business and cover these hidden relationship dangers. Here are my reasons I think you have to be careful navigating the social media waters so your relationship doesn’t drown.

Sharing Every Detail Of Your Relationship

Relationships need privacy and special moments that only exist between two people. This is something difficult to maintain during the world of social media. We are trained to share any and everything happening during our day and this is what people are doing. This is very detrimental to the health of romantic relationships because there are no more private moments between the couple. Everyone is invited into the relationship and they all don’t have good intentions.

Posting Too Many Selfies

I hate to see so many people, mainly women, posting selfies of themselves. You clearly don’t understand that men don’t want people gawking over their woman. When you share these images it may be with the best intentions, but there are people drooling over them. This isn’t what your partner want to see or think about. They would much rather you share those images with them, particularly if they are provocative.

Too Many People In Your Business

Flat out, no one likes people in their business. Keeping your business and relationship in the world of social media is an open invitation to bring other people into your business. They know what you are doing. Where you have been. What are you are eating, like, dislike and who you are hanging with. It is dangerous for your relationship.

Temptation Lurks

Hanging out on social media and sites like Facebook opens the door to conversations with other people you may find attractive physically or mentally. And if you are not secure in your relationship, you may crack that door and eventually give in to temptation. And don’t even bring up the Ex who friends you and stalks all of your statuses. This is another means of communication where they can hang on to the hope of getting you back.

Jealousy Because Of Comments And Likes

Jealousy is dangerous in any relationship and you never know what is going to trigger it. Being active on social media makes it possible for former Exes or people that like you to comment, like and interact on your status updates. If the same person is doing this over and over again, your partner may not appreciate this. You have to consider the feelings of your mate in this situation and ask the offending person to fall back or exist your relationship because you are headed for trouble.

Do You Share Access To Your Accounts?

This is a dangerous relationship question because some people feel access to their accounts are off limits to their mates. Other people feel like having open social media accounts and emails are a must in a relationship because it confirms trust and accountability to the relationship. It is a double edge sword because it can be trouble either way, but it is a conversation that every relationship should have at some point to ensure you are on the same page.

Social media and Facebook can be a great way to meet your potential mates, but it can create problems when you are in the relationship if you are not careful.

Use Facebook to Comment on this Post

7 Reasons The Black Men Should Return To The Old School Values of Courting And Chivalry

There are some vicious rumors circling the black community and black men when it comes to dating and relationships. I’m sure you have heard them all. They say black men are barbaric, lack class, culture, compassion and a sense of tenderness when it comes to relationships. They say black men don’t want to do anything but hit it and quit it.

These stereotypes and perceptions are destroying our culture because many black men are making them out to be true. I’m not saying this applies to all black men, but there is enough for many to think where there is smoke, there is fire. Honestly, I can’t blame them.

7 Reasons The Black Men Should Return To The Old School Values of Courting And Chivalry

black-online-dating-2Today, I want to share with you a few reasons I think the black men in the community should turn to the old school values of courting and chivalry when approaching our young ladies. You know what I’m talking about. Showing tenderness towards the woman you are wooing. Opening car doors. Holding hands while waking down the street. Cooking for the young lady who is the apple of your eye. Buying small gifts and trinkets because you know it will brighten her day. Respectably meeting the parents of the lady and letting them know your intentions with their daughter.

Prove Courting And Chivalry Is Not Dead In the Black Community

If nothing else, just prove these things still exist in the black community. Show the world black men are not animals, but dynamic individuals that express themselves in a variety of ways. We are not all hip hop, N-Word slanging thugs with our pants sagging around our knees trying to hit any and everything that comes our way. We are dynamic men who know the value of a good woman and show it.

Sets You Apart From The Crowd

Here is an opportunity to show you are different. Really separate yourself from the crowd. While all your peers are making it rain, treating women like trash and womanizing, you can differentiate yourself from them completely. The women you are courting and being chivalrous toward will be blown away. A great reputation will form around you all because you act like you got some sense, know how to treat a woman, and carry yourself as a gentleman.

Better Quality of Ladies (Ratchet-Free, Wife Material)

With your chivalrous ways and good intentions of courting the woman of your dreams, you will find a better quality of women in your life. The adjustment in attitude and carrying yourself as a gentleman will put you places to meet ratchet-free ladies with higher standards. Women that many would call wife material. These are the women you want in your life. Women that will help you grow, stretch and challenge you to be a better person. Not the women who just want to take, take, take from you as much as they can get, then discard you when finished.

Raise the Expectations Of Our Ladies & Up The Game For Other Men

Bringing back the old school ways of courting and chilvary will raise the expectation of women you encounter. Many will have not seen a man act and perform gentleman like gestures to a woman. They will love it. Tell their friends and even the friends will begin to expect more from the men they date. Men throughout the black community will be forced to up their game and their understanding of what it means to be a gentleman or continue to date from the bottom of the barrel.

Deeper Connections and Longer Lasting Relationships

Everyone wants to make deep connections with the mate. Men are no different. By being courteous, chivalrous and court the lady of your dreams, you will build just that. Conversations will be much better and interesting as barriers are lowered, trust is developed. These relationships will last longer and carry more meaning for both people involved.

Disprove the Myth That Black Men Don’t Want To Get Married and Black Marriages Are Dead

There is a nasty myth circling the black community that says black men don’t want to get married and marriages in the community are dead. I don’t believe this for I know a plethora of black men and they are interested in getting married if they are able to find the right woman. Well, if we, as black men, begin to act like men and treat our Queens like ladies, then I think it will open the path for marriage to begin to catch root in the community again.

Setting Positive Examples For Next Generation

Finally and probably the best reason to make a return to old school values of courting and chivalry, to set the model for the next generation. There is no doubt that children are always watching adults for their ques on how they should act. If they grow up around men acting in the manner of gentlemen and treating women with respect, courtesy, and chivalry, then they will do the same. Not only that, the young ladies will expect the same.

Our community are in need of a lot of things. Men returning to our essence of being gentlemen and treating our women with love, honor and respect is a great start.

It is my hope we are able to pull ourselves out of this mess we have found ourselves. There is no doubt we need to do a better job parenting across the board and raising our men and women to be more respectful, even expect more respect from their peers and suitors. The television media isn’t doing their part either with these negative images of black men and women through their series, reality shows, and movies, but we cannot allow that to be the crutch that allows this mess to continue.

It is time we stand up as a people and demand more from all of us. We can and must do better.

Use Facebook to Comment on this Post

9 Reasons Working Out Together Is Great For Couples

My wife and I don’t work out together all the time, but when we do, it is really great. She is an amazing woman that I respect, but us working out together has contributed to my feelings.

I feel like every couple should workout together because there are some great benefits. Below are a 9 reasons couples should workout together. Let’s see how many of them you agree with today.

Blow Off Some Stress

black couple working outLife can be stressful by itself, but relationships can really pile on the pressure. Working out really gets the blood pumping and is a great way to relieve some of this stress. We all know every relationship can use less stress. Working out together can definitely help.

Strengthen The Couples Bond

Working out together is wonderful for couples because the bond gets stronger. You are relying on each other for spots during certain routines. You are encouraging each other to keep on pressing forward. This can lead to more trust in the relationship between couples. Trust builds the bond. And relationships with stronger bonds tend to last longer than those without.

Mutual Motivation Leads To Better Workouts

Having a workout partner is great because they are able to push and motivate you to higher heights. This is great for anyone in the gym, but it is outstanding when it is your partner. You two are able to encourage one another to keep pushing forward and reaching for your goals. Great for relationships!

Sweat is Sexy

Let’s be honest, there is nothing like seeing your partner sweat. Working out hard definitely leads to a lot of sweat and it can really get the blood pumping. I will leave it there, but you get the idea. This is great for all couples and something you must experience.

Improved Physical Appearance & Attraction

If you workout with your mate, you get a first row seat at the workouts that are going to lead to their improved physical appearance. The facts are clear. Working out makes you look and feel better. This increases your attraction level for your mate and vise versa as well.

And this isn’t just about the physical because the hard work and dedication involved in following a workout routine can lead you to being more attracted to your mates resolve. Dedication is a powerful attraction tool.

Seeing Each Other Work Hard Builds Respect

What relationship can’t use more mutual respect? Not many, right?

Working out together builds respect because the two of you are pushing each other to your limits, encouraging one another to reach for more, and who can’t respect anyone for pushing outside of their comfort zone? These are strong moments in your relationship and will ensure things only get better moving forward.

Better Overall Health

Every person can use better health. Working out is great for better overall health. This will allow you and your mate to feel better, hopefully live longer and thus have a better life together. No one wants a mate that just wants to sit on the sofa together all day and night because they don’t have the energy to do more. Working out provides the energy, zest and health of a great life together.

Quality Time

Couples are always looking for better ways to spend quality time together or date. The gym and working out are wonderful ways to do just that. You are together talking, chatting about the current events, the work out, things on your mind. It is great and a wonderful way to spend time together. Give it a shot!

Improved Sex Life

You knew this was going to be on the list, didn’t you? You should because it is true. There is something about working out together that gets the blood boiling, the sweat is flying, the conversation is flowing, and everything just escalates from there. The better shape you two are in, the more interesting and exciting things can get in that special place.

Use Facebook to Comment on this Post