Divorce Settlement: Would You Turn Down Nearly $1 Billion Check If Your Spouse Was Worth Over $20 Billion?

The thought of a billion dollars makes my knees shake. That is more money than most of us will ever seen in our entire lifetime, but this Sue Ann Arnall just received a check just shy of this amount from her ex-husband.

Harold Hamm is the oil tycoon divorcing his wife of 26 long and wonderful years due to a variety of reasons, money  not being one of them. He is estimated to be worth over $20 billion dollars as he has done very well for himself in the oil industry.

The couple recently made headlines because of their divorce that has been pretty messy. Hamm issued a check for his wife to settle the matter of money by writing a $975,790,317 dollar check to her in her name. His intention was for her to cash the check and take that as the divorce settlement.

billion dollar check

Sue Ann has been all over the media and hell bent on not accepting such a low payout for their years of marriage knowing her ex-husband was worth more than $20 billion dollars. She felt her work as an executive in the business contributed to the success of the business. And as such, she felt she was due a much larger payout.

However, after a week or so of contemplation, Sue Ann has cashed the check for nearly a billion dollars. There hasn’t been any indication that the matter is settled, but we do know the check has been cashed and she is sitting on a fat pile of money.

Our question to you is would you settle for a $1 billion dollars if you know your spouse was worth about $20 billion and many years of your blood, sweat and tears went into building the company?

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When Kissing & Telling Goes Wrong: The Nick Cannon Story

“I’ma put it like this: If my marriage don’t work out, it is solely your (Big Boy’s) fault. So go ahead and feel that!”

Nick Cannon, “Big Boy’s Neighborhood”, July 5, 2014

Earlier this week, news leaked that the power couple that is Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have now parted ways in a quick, sudden divorce. Personally, I was shocked. I’m not a man that chooses to delve in celebrity relationship matters but I look up to Nick Cannon as a role model. He’s a brother that started off in the game young, paid his dues and is now self made and on the top of the world. So I took some free time to research up on what happened to cause them to drift apart. And I was left in shock.

Many reports have come out in the past few days about what happened to cause their marital union to far apart. Some sources say that Mariah felt that Nick wasn’t spending enough time with her, being engulfed in his different movie and television project. While that may have played a part in the tension, many sources say that Nick’s appearance on Los Angeles based radio personality Big Boy’s nationally syndicated radio show Big Boy’s Neighborhood drove a dagger through what was publicly perceived as a productive relationship.

After the interview, Nick Cannon stuck around and played the game “Give Me Five” for Big Boy’s YouTube Channel. The game entails Big Boy asking his celebrity guests five uncensored questions that couldn’t be addressed on the regular show. The discussion quickly tuned into Nick Cannon’s many sexcapades with known celebrities. Instead of dodging the question he engaged Big Boy in the question, putting himself in major hot water with his wife at home


Big Boy asked, “How many famous women has Nick Cannon been with?”

Nick  directs his gaze to the sky, spins in his chair and stammers before replying, “What does ‘fame’ mean?”

Nick Cannon Discusses Losing His V-Card, Celebrities He's Smashed, Mariah Carey, and More   BigBoyTV - YouTube Big Boy goes on to further clarify for him, “Somebody that we  know—”

 “Man, that’s a whole lot!”Nick Cannon confidently proclaims,  cutting him off, “I mean, if you think about it………this is L.A.! I  mean, that’s the whole purpose. You have sex with actors,  singers, models…..”

 “I don’t want you to name ten.”


 “Name five.”


Big Boy nods, “Name five.”

Nick shrugs his shoulders, “That’s easy!”

“That will watch this and say, ‘He’s not lying. That’s not a liability lawsuit.’”

He quickly ponders and starts counting on his fingers, “Mariah Carey—“

“No, you gotta take Mariah out!”

“Nope, you didn’t say that.”

Big Boy chuckles, “Well go ahead then.”

Nick proceeds without a hitch, answering the infamous question that caused Mariah to allegedly file a divorce from him.

He giggles, “Mariah Carey, Christina Miliian, Nicole Scherzinger…….

Big Boy drops his mouth in awe, “Whoa!”

“Umm……these are people that people already know, Selita Ebanks, umm…..what’s another one that just easy that everybody already knows?”

He puts the icing on the cake by shouting out, “Oh, Kim Kardashian! There, five! This is easy.”

Big Boy dawned a confused stare, “Hey dude, I didn’t know about the…..I must be…..ok….I must be coming from under my rock. I didn’t know that Kim Kardashian thing.”

He sighed, “Yes you did Big.”

“No! Did anybody…….am I lying? Did y’all know this?”

Nick just proceeded to dig his own marital grave!

He laughed, “You probably forgot because there’s been a lot of people since me!”


Nick Cannon strikes me as a reasonably intelligent dude, brand conscious dude. I wouldn’t look up to him if he wasn’t. His business acumen is impeccable. But, what on earth possessed him to air out his dirty laundry to the world about how many celebrities he’s slept with? He relegated himself to tactics that I see every day from young men that go to my high school.

It’s one thing to brag to the fellas about who you’ve knockedownloadd down in the past. We naturally tend to boast and showout around our friends anyway. But you’re on an aftershow interview with a respected radio personality that has 51, 457 subscribers to date on his “BigBoyTV” YouTube channel and you choose to fire off people that you’ve messed around with? This is a tragic tale of when kissing and telling goes wrong!

We aren’t in any position to judge what Nick Cannon says or does with his life. But, that doesn’t mean that a lesson can’t be learned here. We need to start thinking with the heads on our shoulders and not with our sexual parts. What may feel good and euphoric now will come back to bite you later. Nick Cannon is a thirty-three year old man with two kids by this woman. What happens to them through this mess? Is it worth it to have the “male industry hoe” label tied to you again? What made him regress to this high school lunch table tactic?

Like I said, Nick Cannon is my man and I still do look up to him. However, he’s not above reproach. In my personal opinion he was wrong for indulging in that conversation when he has a wife at home that’s supposedly wanting to spend more time with him. Big Boy, when he came back around on July 5th to promote his MTV2 show Wildin’ Out jokingly said,

“Let me tell you something Mr. Nick Cannon. Every question doesn’t require a real answer.”

Hey, sometimes the funniest jokes are true…….



The cover to my novel, The Diary Of Aaliyah Anderson. It’s due to come out in late October. You can preoder now at:




Read a preview of the story today!



Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:

Email:[email protected]

Kik: @AuthorRandallB

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Twitter: @AuthorRandallB

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Love & Diss Hop: Are TI & Tiny’s Relationship In Trouble?

TI and Tiny have been the second coming of the Cosby family, but in real life to many of their fans. Their hit reality TV show “The Family Hustle” even dawns a new introduction like that of the Cosby show in the 1980’s. (It is actually kind of cool.)

However, there seems to be trouble in the hustle.

We are certain you are familiar with the Floyd Mayweather controversy that seems to be looming over the heads of the couple, but that isn’t it. Apparently before this, TI and Tiny were having trouble with their relationship. This isn’t uncommon for couples at all, but when the issues are aired in the plain view of media and fans, then minor issues can be compounded.

T.I.-And-Tiny-Splitting-Up1Enter Tiny’s Diss Song

Tiny, Tameka Harris age 39, just released her first song in over 10 years. We are sure you remember her from the all girl group Xscape, but the song she released had nothing to do with the topics the ladies use to take up. This one seems to be about her husband and is entitled “What the F@#K are you Gon Do?”

As you can imagine, the song is a bit raw and to the point as the hook she sings is “What the F@#K are you Gon Do?” with fingers pointed at the camera and mad attitude included. One can only speculate that she was talking to and about her husband, TI.

On the Wendy Williams Show, Tiny admitted that the song was indeed about her husband and their relationship. However, she wrote the song over a year ago when the couple was going through some issues. She decided to release the song to get some of her feelings off her chest and to let her husband know how she felt about their relationship and where she stands.

Tiny also admitted she was not aware of TI’s new song until it was released. She said she was checking out how her song was doing on iTunes when she discovered he had released a song as well.

TI’s Loving Hip Hop

Conversely to Tiny’s Diss song, TI made a song called “Stay”. In the song, he explains to his wife that he has made some mistakes being down right foolish, but is interesting in staying in the marriage and keeping the love of his life. He tells her how he feels about her and how he would kill, do jail time, even get down on his knees to keep her.

All of this is very different to the tone and delivery of Tiny’s song making people speculate that TI wants to keep his marriage in place and Tiny might be interested in moving on.

All of this is speculation as the couple has publicly said they are working things out and plan on staying together.

However, on the Wendy Williams show, Tiny didn’t have on her wedding ring. She claims her ring finger was jammed and is swollen, but Wendy wasn’t buying it.

What say you?

Do you think the couple will make it through this rough patch? They say Facebook and social media can break up marriages and relationships, but are things much worse when you are celebrities and all your business is all over social and mainstream media?

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Rebuilding The Family w/Author Chanel Savage

When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching — they are your family.

- Jim Butcher

For decades, we’ve been experiencing a major breakdown of the black family unit. As time has worn on, our situation has gotten worse. Where I’m from, seeing a child that lives in a two parent household is an anomaly. For some, it’s amazing if the mother and father even like each other!

There are several social ramifications to this savage break-up of one of the strongest institutions in our rich history. The epidemic of babies having babies has gotten more widespread. Every teenager knows at least one girl that is currently pregnant or has birthed a baby. Meanwhile, the prison industrial complex has successfully found a way to make black men the new slaves. With an overwhelming amount of black men dead or in jail, the emasculation of the black man has picked up full force. The dominant Black familysociety doesn’t even see us as useful, seeing the fact that our young men get gunned down every day without the batting of an eyelash.

There needs to be a definite change in the tide, family. The narcissistic mindset of our modern day society desperately needs to be lost! As a community, we’re all we’ve got.  We have the power to rebuild our families. We just need to know we have this power!

In the literary space, there have been numerous authors that have created projects inspired by dysfunctional families. Many of them are considered classics and are even studied in educational institutions around America. Author Chanel Savage has decided to put her own spin on things with her new novel Savage Sisters. The novel is based around the central message of family unity and the strength of women. Recently, I got a chance to briefly sit down with her and talk about her novel, the plight of the black family and solutions to this issue.


Randall: Your novel Savage Sisters is about the importance of a strong family unit during troubling times. How did this story come about and what was your inspiration behind writing it?

Chanel Savage: I’ve been writing on and off for years.  I would read, see, or hear something and come up with an idea, and start writing.  Then I noticed I had ideas, and started stories I had never finished.  When I started Savage Sisters I said to myself I am going to finish this story. 

I wanted to write about more than one character because I felt that it would keep the book interesting. I wanted my characters to have all different personalities but share a common bond.  I thought a sister hood surrounded by the struggles of their parents, and inheriting a mean streak from their father was perfect. 

The inspiration behind Savage Sisters is the power of women. Although we struggle we still manage get through our 20140308_224029530_iOS situations, sometimes by any means necessary. I think women are so powerful in so many  ways.  But men are indeed stronger. Some take advantage of women and mistreat them. 

  I wanted my characters to take control of their situations, and not feel sorry for themselves.   Shayla, Shanice, Shante, and Shakira Savage all wanted to be loved by the men that they  love.  These men took advantage of them, and mistreated them.  This kind of mistreatment  happens every day in all communities.  The Savage Sisters handled their situation the only  way knew how, by being savages.


Randall: Was there a realistic motivation behind the novel?

Chanel Savage: Yes, there was a realistic motivation behind the story.  All of these situations I have either experienced, know someone who has experienced it, or saw it on the news. 


Randall: In the black community, there’s been a horrible break down of the family unit. What’s your take on this?

Chanel Savage: My take on the breakdown of the family we aren’t stepping up in our roles. I believe that some black women are not stepping up to the plate and being mothers.  Most black men are in jail or six feet under. The women are so important because we have to raise our children even when the father is not around.  I hate to see our black women not motivated to do better for themselves and their children. 

Public assistance is only supposed to be temporary. Some women stay on it most of their lives. Children are motivated by what they see.  It’s very few children that have a basketball or football talent that will magically elevate them out of the hood. There are also very few black children motivated to go to college.  

As women we have to choose the right man to have children by.  The man we choose has to be someone a child can look up to.  As a women we must creating a household with rules and regulations that are properly put in place.  Some women take mothering as a joke! Displaying that behavior, they are effectively creating another dysfunctional family.


Randall: We all love debating over the symptoms and problems surrounding this family issue but I’m in the business of fixing and finding long term solutions to our problems. How can we turn the tide?

Chanel Savage: First of all, no one on this earth is perfect. We all struggle.  Struggling is not about just not having money.  I love all four of my kids.  I think as parents the struggle comes with raising your children.  Most kids just want to be loved and acknowledged. 

I think as parents, or as a single parent, you have to make every day in their life count.  You have to set boundaries.  You have to teach them respect of self, and others.  You have to motivate your kids to be the best they can be.  You have be their number one supporter. You have to show them that family in everything. You have to be their parent.  Everything they do comes from you. The children are our future. It’s so true because we all were once children.


Randall: In your opinion, is there a place in the current black literary market for fiction that has an overt message and tackles real world issues?

Chanel Savage: I feel that there is a big place in the literary market for stories that confront real world issues.  Most people who read urban fiction walk out the door and they witness what we write about every day. Our readers love stories that they can relate to. I think everyone wants reality with some added drama rather it be on T.V. or in a book. 


To learn more about Chanel Savage, visit www.purpleinkpublishing.com


Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:

Email: [email protected]

Kik: @AuthorRandallB

Ask.Fm: @YoungandGiftedBooks

Twitter: @AuthorRandallB

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/randall.barnes.501


Check out a preview of my forthcoming Young Adult novel The Diary of Aaliyah Anderson on Wattpad!


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3 Questions to Ask Before Accepting a Proposal

This weekend, the OWN TV show Iyanla Fix My Life featured a couple who were on the rocks after 20 years of marriage. In one part of the episode, the man informed his wife that when he asked her to marry him, he was “joking”. He wasn’t ready to get married, and he didn’t want to get married. While this is a betrayal of epic proportion, especially after years of being together, many people have experienced this to some degree.

After dating your significant other for a while, the two of you may be talking about a future together. It sounds wonderful, and you anticipate the day where the two of you will get married. So when he pops the question, you’re excited and emotional. This is what you’ve been waiting for! However, there are a few things you should ask your partner before you accept the proposal.

“Are you sure this is what you want?”Proposing

You would think that a lot of thought goes into the big question before it’s asked, but sometimes, it’s asked on impulse or unclear thinking. Your relationship could be going very well, and engagement (then marriage) seems like the most obvious next step. However, some people have drastically different reasons for getting married.

Your partner’s response can give you insight as to what they’re really thinking. There’s no “right answer” necessarily, but there are certainly a few wrong ones. One of those answers is out of obligation. You don’t want to marry someone because they feel that they have to. This will certainly build resentment over time. Hesitation is also something to take heed of. And if you have any reservations, you should take that into account as well.

“Where do you see us in the future?”

This question is huge, because if you two have conflicting views, this may cause troubles down the line. Where does your partner see the two of you 10, 20, and 30 years from now? Do you guys have the same future in mind? Do you both see yourselves growing old with each other? Are you all on what I like to call “the same wavelength”?

Some of what goes into this question includes the lifestyle you two envision. Are you in agreement about children? Are you both supportive of each other’s goals? Are they going to take the vows “for richer or for poorer, through sickness and through health, until death do us part” seriously? Or do you think when thick and thin comes into play, your marriage may not weather the storm?

“Are you ready for change?”

I once heard or read that women get married expecting to change a man, and men get married expecting their wife will never change. Some couples get married because things are going good at the moment they’re dating. The honeymoon phase eventually ends. Married life is different from dating life. Change is inevitable in a long term relationship, but you can’t make someone change. Are you and your significant other ready for that?

Marriage is something to take seriously, as it’s meant to be a lifelong commitment. These questions are not the only ones; you and your significant other have a lot to discuss before you get married. Discussing financial expectations, religious and spiritual beliefs, and work goals are very important. And, you have some questions you should ask yourself too. These questions aren’t meant to ruin the magical moment, but they’re meant to give you a more realistic look if marriage between you two is the right decision.

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6 Reasons Why Black Women Are Not Getting Married

There are so many articles out there about what’s wrong with black women, why we’re single, why no one wants us, etc. As a black woman, I personally don’t appreciate it or the attention it gets. While we have flaws just like everyone else, we shouldn’t be viewed as undesirable. We are beautiful, we are intelligent, and there are black men (and other ethnicities as well) that adore us. So when someone asks “why aren’t black women getting married”, here are other reasons besides the same ol’ noise.

We’re Not Ready

Why Black Women Aren't Getting Married

Photo courtesy of BrownGirlNextDoor.com

Marriage is a huge commitment, one of the biggest decisions you make in life. We’re not blind; we see all the people getting engaged and jumping the broom. But we don’t want to rush into a commitment we’re not ready for. We can have multiple reasons for not being ready. Maybe our relationship is still in its infancy, and we want to get to know the man more before pledging to spend the rest of our lives with someone. We take marriage seriously, not lightly. We’ll be ready when we decide we’re ready, and not a moment before hand.

We’re Not Interested

Hey, marriage isn’t for everybody! While it’s a beautiful thing, some of us are not looking to get married at any point. I know several couples who have been together for years, started a family, live together, and have never exchanged vows. And you know what? It works for them. We can be in fulfilling long-term relationships without being someone’s wife. Remember, we’re in the year 2014. We’re not living our grandmothers’ lives anymore. Marriage isn’t every black woman’s ultimate goal.

We’re Career Focused

What’s wrong with focusing on our career rather than a marriage? Books like Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In has brought to light the things women go through in order to somehow accomplish a work-life balance. What if our jobs are our lives? We shouldn’t be penalized for that. It’s clear that women have to work twice as hard as men just to be seen as equals, earn equal pay, receive promotions, etc. If we’re dedicated to our jobs, some of us have come to the conclusion that we can’t give equal energy to a marriage and our careers, so we made the decision to forego one.

We Did… and it Didn’t Work

What much of the media fails to recognize is that many of us have been married before, and it didn’t work out. They forget to include those of us who got married, and ultimately got divorced. So we’re back on the market, technically, but we’re in no rush to go through the motions the second time around. Yes, we may want to get remarried eventually, but we learned from our mistakes, and our taking our time before saying “I Do” again.

Men Aren’t Ready

Before all the men get upset, hear me out. How many of you have been in a relationship with a woman, and she’s thinking things are going to the next level (meaning marriage) and the thought hasn’t crossed your mind for more than a minute? There are so many men out there who are leading us on and leaving us out to dry. Again, I know several couples who have been together for years, maybe between 7-10, and they’re not even engaged yet. Some men out there are scared of getting married, and it’s frustrating and sad for us. Yeah, we could end the relationship and pursue someone who is marriage minded, but come on ladies, we’re nurturers and fixers, and we hold out hope that one day he’ll change his mind.

Haven’t Met the Right One

My mom has said sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince. And frankly, there are a lot of frogs out there. I don’t want to say good men are hard to find, but the right man very well could be. What’s right for one woman may not be right for another. We have standards, and they’re going to be different for every person. I’m not saying we have a laundry list of unobtainable and unrealistic things (although some of us may need to remove a few things), but we should all have standards and not settle. So we’re simply not settling! We’re waiting, patiently, for the right man to come along.

So we’re not damaged goods, we’re not bitter, we’re not always the problem. We have our reasons for being single, we have our reasons for being unwed. Respect our decisions, and love us despite our flaws.

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7 Reasons Black Men Are Afraid To Get Married, But Shouldn’t Be

Believe it or not, black men are afraid to get married. It doesn’t take a sociology major, news report, or study to see the apprehension black men have towards marriage. It just takes a few beers and a relationship with a hand full of them before they open up about their feelings.

Let me state for the record, I’m a happily married man of almost 13 years with my wonderful wife. I’m the first brother in my circle to get married while we were in college. I speak very highly of marriage, always have. It is something I have wanted my entire life. I was raised by my parents who got married in 1954 and are still married to this day. So, when I found my bride, I hung on to her.

black-bride-groomI have talked to PLENTY of black men about this subject and want to share my feedback with you on why they afraid to get married. At the end of the article, share your thoughts and what should be added to the list.

Lose Respect of Their Peers

About 50 years ago, marriage revered and the expected right of passage in the black community. However, things are much different today. Marriage in the black male community is not the thing to do.

Today, black men are afraid of marriage because they feel they will lose the respect or approval of their friends. It is negative peer pressure at work, but they shouldn’t feel this way. As you evolve in manhood, you find out if people don’t respect you for your choices, then maybe they shouldn’t be in your life in the first place.

Give Up Their Freedom

Black men feel like marriage means they will no longer be in control of their lives. They will have to submit to the whims of their tyrannical bride in order to keep their marriage a happy one. You know the saying, “Happy Wife, Happy Life.”

In order to avoid this loss of freedom, they avoid marriage all together. They rather not marry in order to be able to come and go as they please. Hang out at the clubs, engage in their hobbies, just live their life the way they desire without having to be responsible to another person, but this is just a lack of maturity and understanding of marriage because it doesn’t have to be like this.

The only way this reality is true is if you marry the wrong person. The person that wants or demands you to fit into their box instead of appreciating you for the person you are. Black men need to understand marriage isn’t a death sentence on their lives, but an opportunity to share it with a wonderful person if they think with the head above their shoulders, not below, and select the right mate for them.

Losing their Friends

I have listen to black men say they don’t want to give up their lives, friends, and social life in exchange their bride and family. You might think i’m kidding, but i’m serious. They act as if there is no way their new life of marriage can co-exist with their friends, but it can.

Now, if you and your friends were constantly up to no good, then you are right, this isn’t going to work. However, if you are mature enough to know somethings are going to change, but change is the natural progression of life, then everything will be fine. Your friends will eventually respect your situation, family and new bride. They will even respect you for your decision to marry and commitment to your family.

Don’t Want To Give Up The Player

This is real. Black men grow up being taught the player life of dealing with a bunch of women, never sharing your life with them or falling in love is how men SHOULD deal with women. This viewpoint retards black men when it comes to marriage and relationships because they don’t want to give up the player life.

Most men cannot fathom life with one woman or sex with one person for the rest of their life. They think it will get old and boring, but no one is telling them how wonderful it can be. Being able to be open, honest and your real self with one person is something special and both of you are willing to go to new heights with one another.

Belief In The Marriage Stereotypes

You must be aware black men believe all the stereotypes of marriage and want nothing to do with them. They are certain their wife is going to nag them to death about any and everything. The wife is going to transform into a sexless being that is all about money, the kids, and wine. She is going to be come a strict task master who only wants to see her Honey-Do list completed.

This belief is funny, but you can tell black men are only getting their information from non-married people or unhappily married men. These stereotypes are wrong and off base DEPENDING ON WHO YOU MARRIED. I think it is most important to select the right person to marry and if you do, then you will live a wonderful married life. If not, you could be come one of these bitter men walking around perpetuating these marriage stereotypes.

Classic Fear of Commitment

It is true, black men have the classic fear of commitment most people talk about when it comes to marriage. Being with one person is something that seems unnatural to most black men. They are afraid to be vulnerable and completely giving themselves up for another person in addition to all the horror stories they are told about marriage.

I think this fear is a natural feeling all people experience. However, in my marriage I have found it to be amazing. Yes, my wife and I have had our rough patches, but we have stuck it out and things are getting better and better. There is nothing like coming home to that one person that knows you best and she has a big smile on her face because has been wanting to see you all day.

The Nightmare Financial Investment

Black women tend to dream about the fairytale wedding, but black men think about the nightmare wedding expense. This is very true. Black men really don’t dream about the wedding day. It is just an expense to them. Besides, how many people do you know who have spent $20,000 to $50,000 on their wedding day and end up divorced?

Answer: TOO MANY! Black men think about this constantly and find it to be foolish, but will do it if their bride insist.

Personally, I think weddings are a waste of time, but if my wife wanted to have one, then we would have. Fortunately, she didn’t want a wedding either and things seem to be working out great for us. 13 years later, we are still happily married and looking forward to an empty nest so we can resume our courtship without the in home responsibilities of raising a child.

What you think about the list of reasons black men are afraid to get married? What would you add to the list?

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5 Things Michelle Obama Teaches Black Women About Marriage

Happy birthday to our First Lady Michelle Obama! Our president’s other half is graciously turning 50 today, and is looking as radiant as ever. After 22 years of marriage, she has quite a bit of wisdom to impart on us when it comes to keeping a healthy marriage.

Love Doesn’t Hurt

“Good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt. They’re not painful. That’s not just with somebody you want to marry, but it’s with the friends that you choose. It’s with the people you surround yourselves with.”

Barack and Michelle Friends

Mrs. Obama wants us to remember how it feels to be in love, and that means love doesn’t hurt. Love is not abuse. Love is not control. Love is a beautiful feeling. While it may not always be easy and it may not always feel great, you should never think of your spouse and think “pain”.

Don’t Forget About Yourself

“Women should have the freedom to do whatever they need to do to feel good about themselves.”

We as black women tend to often forget about ourselves when we’re married. We’re focused on our husbands, we’re focused on our kids, we’re focused on our extended families, and we tend to come last. We forget about our hobbies, our plans, and the things we need to remain ourselves. The First Lady wants us to remember that we have the power to do what it takes to take back control of our own lives and feel good about ourselves.

Be Your Husband’s Friend

“[Barack and my] relationship was first a friendship. It took off from there.”

A relationship built on a friendship will most certainly prosper! You can’t help but recognize the energy and the chemistry between the President and his wife. We love seeing them laugh and play with each other. The same holds true with your marriage. It shouldn’t always be about the bills and business. Let loose and have fun with the person you vowed to spend the rest of your life with. Enjoy hobbies together, spend quality time, and always remember the starting point of your relationship, which should be a friendship.

Believe In Your Husband

“And I come here as a wife who loves my husband and believes he will be an extraordinary president.”

Could you imagine having your husband’s back as leader of the free world? It’s got to be tough, and I’m sure it was nerve wracking when Barack first mentioned his intentions to Michelle. But through it all, she has believed in him and had his back! When your husband has dreams and goals, he needs you as his biggest cheerleader. Pump him up, support him in any and every way possible, and he can be successful.

Look Forward to Your Future Together

“And I did not think it was possible, but let me tell you today, I love my husband even more than I did four years ago. Even more than I did 23 years ago when we first met.”

Can you believe that these two are even more in love than they were when they first got married? This is something many couples who have been married for a long time feel. When you go through ups and downs with your spouse, it tends to bring you closer together. The phrase “that which does not kill you makes you stronger” rings true for marriages as well. What didn’t tear you apart will bring you closer together. Look forward to being even more in love with the person you married as time goes by.

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6 Ways Facebook And Social Media Can Ruin Your Relationship

Social media, especially Facebook, is fun. Let’s face it. We all love it. This is why these budding media outlets are growing at exponential rates. They are wonderful. However, danger lurks when it comes to your relationships, so beware.

Today, we want to discuss these dangers to your relationships of Facebook and social media. The aim here is to ensure you are not making these mistakes leaving your relationships open and vulnerable. You must realize that you have good intentions when sharing information and interacting on social media, but not everyone shares your perspective. Some people are out there to cause your relationships harm.

Black-Couple-Arguing-pointing6 Ways Facebook And Social Media Can Ruin Your Relationship

Let’s get down to business and cover these hidden relationship dangers. Here are my reasons I think you have to be careful navigating the social media waters so your relationship doesn’t drown.

Sharing Every Detail Of Your Relationship

Relationships need privacy and special moments that only exist between two people. This is something difficult to maintain during the world of social media. We are trained to share any and everything happening during our day and this is what people are doing. This is very detrimental to the health of romantic relationships because there are no more private moments between the couple. Everyone is invited into the relationship and they all don’t have good intentions.

Posting Too Many Selfies

I hate to see so many people, mainly women, posting selfies of themselves. You clearly don’t understand that men don’t want people gawking over their woman. When you share these images it may be with the best intentions, but there are people drooling over them. This isn’t what your partner want to see or think about. They would much rather you share those images with them, particularly if they are provocative.

Too Many People In Your Business

Flat out, no one likes people in their business. Keeping your business and relationship in the world of social media is an open invitation to bring other people into your business. They know what you are doing. Where you have been. What are you are eating, like, dislike and who you are hanging with. It is dangerous for your relationship.

Temptation Lurks

Hanging out on social media and sites like Facebook opens the door to conversations with other people you may find attractive physically or mentally. And if you are not secure in your relationship, you may crack that door and eventually give in to temptation. And don’t even bring up the Ex who friends you and stalks all of your statuses. This is another means of communication where they can hang on to the hope of getting you back.

Jealousy Because Of Comments And Likes

Jealousy is dangerous in any relationship and you never know what is going to trigger it. Being active on social media makes it possible for former Exes or people that like you to comment, like and interact on your status updates. If the same person is doing this over and over again, your partner may not appreciate this. You have to consider the feelings of your mate in this situation and ask the offending person to fall back or exist your relationship because you are headed for trouble.

Do You Share Access To Your Accounts?

This is a dangerous relationship question because some people feel access to their accounts are off limits to their mates. Other people feel like having open social media accounts and emails are a must in a relationship because it confirms trust and accountability to the relationship. It is a double edge sword because it can be trouble either way, but it is a conversation that every relationship should have at some point to ensure you are on the same page.

Social media and Facebook can be a great way to meet your potential mates, but it can create problems when you are in the relationship if you are not careful.

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9 Reasons Working Out Together Is Great For Couples

My wife and I don’t work out together all the time, but when we do, it is really great. She is an amazing woman that I respect, but us working out together has contributed to my feelings.

I feel like every couple should workout together because there are some great benefits. Below are a 9 reasons couples should workout together. Let’s see how many of them you agree with today.

Blow Off Some Stress

black couple working outLife can be stressful by itself, but relationships can really pile on the pressure. Working out really gets the blood pumping and is a great way to relieve some of this stress. We all know every relationship can use less stress. Working out together can definitely help.

Strengthen The Couples Bond

Working out together is wonderful for couples because the bond gets stronger. You are relying on each other for spots during certain routines. You are encouraging each other to keep on pressing forward. This can lead to more trust in the relationship between couples. Trust builds the bond. And relationships with stronger bonds tend to last longer than those without.

Mutual Motivation Leads To Better Workouts

Having a workout partner is great because they are able to push and motivate you to higher heights. This is great for anyone in the gym, but it is outstanding when it is your partner. You two are able to encourage one another to keep pushing forward and reaching for your goals. Great for relationships!

Sweat is Sexy

Let’s be honest, there is nothing like seeing your partner sweat. Working out hard definitely leads to a lot of sweat and it can really get the blood pumping. I will leave it there, but you get the idea. This is great for all couples and something you must experience.

Improved Physical Appearance & Attraction

If you workout with your mate, you get a first row seat at the workouts that are going to lead to their improved physical appearance. The facts are clear. Working out makes you look and feel better. This increases your attraction level for your mate and vise versa as well.

And this isn’t just about the physical because the hard work and dedication involved in following a workout routine can lead you to being more attracted to your mates resolve. Dedication is a powerful attraction tool.

Seeing Each Other Work Hard Builds Respect

What relationship can’t use more mutual respect? Not many, right?

Working out together builds respect because the two of you are pushing each other to your limits, encouraging one another to reach for more, and who can’t respect anyone for pushing outside of their comfort zone? These are strong moments in your relationship and will ensure things only get better moving forward.

Better Overall Health

Every person can use better health. Working out is great for better overall health. This will allow you and your mate to feel better, hopefully live longer and thus have a better life together. No one wants a mate that just wants to sit on the sofa together all day and night because they don’t have the energy to do more. Working out provides the energy, zest and health of a great life together.

Quality Time

Couples are always looking for better ways to spend quality time together or date. The gym and working out are wonderful ways to do just that. You are together talking, chatting about the current events, the work out, things on your mind. It is great and a wonderful way to spend time together. Give it a shot!

Improved Sex Life

You knew this was going to be on the list, didn’t you? You should because it is true. There is something about working out together that gets the blood boiling, the sweat is flying, the conversation is flowing, and everything just escalates from there. The better shape you two are in, the more interesting and exciting things can get in that special place.

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