Be Proud Of Who You Are! (Message To The Young Women Of The World)

“Love yourself, girl, or nobody will. Though you’re a woman, I don’t know how you deal. With all the pressure to look impressive and go out in heels; I feel for you. Killing yourself to find a man that’ll kill for you”

- J. Cole, “Crooked Smile”

The users of this social media world we seemingly live in are always talking about something. This weekend is no different! The internet is ablaze about rapper T.I.’s wife questionable eye color change. Supposedly, she went in with the intent to change the hue of her eyes from a dark brown to a sharp gray color. It’s always disheartening to see a celebrity picked apart for a life decision that isn’t overtly negative but Tiny’s decision to undergo this surgery warrants a deeper discussion.

Tiny is a known figure in the black community due to her marriage to one of the most popular hip-hop artists in recent memory. Let’s not forget to mention that she’s a former member of the R&B group Xscape, successful entrepreneur and reality T.V. star. Every Monday her life is put on display to millions of people around the nation. With that much public visibility comes tremendous influence that many celebrities and T.V. personalities don’t realize that they have.

Tiny advocates eye change to fans When you’re a celebrity, your every move is put under a microscope. Young women  around the nation look up to these T.V. stars almost like role models, associating with  their struggles and triumphs. They then start to dress like their favorite larger than life  personalities, even subliminally taking on their mannerisms and attitude ques. With  great power comes great responsibility and many of these females acting out on these  T.V. shows don’t understand the social ramifications of their actions. I’m making it a  big deal because it is a big deal. I’m not pulling things out the sky. I’m in high school  and I see these females living out their Joseline Hernandez fantasies!

Not to say that Tiny is as deplorable as the cast of the collective Love & Hip Hop   franchise but her realm of influence is wide, maybe even more so than other black  women on reality T.V. to date. Advocating young women to get surgery on their eyes just  to change their eye color isn’t cool at all! And yes, she did advocate unnecessary eye  surgery to her estimated two million social media followers. So a woman that’s on our  television sets every Monday and has a social media reach that extensive isn’t  influential?

This article isn’t about Tiny though, although she sparked the conversation. It’s about the young women that feel inadequate with who they are. Maybe they believe that that, based on the beauty standard of Hollywood, that they’re too big or small, too light or dark, too boisterous or monotone. Appealing to the public runs our mindset but young women are especially forced and coerced to live up to these vain standards.

You never will be fully satisfied if you choose to neglect who you authentically are. Yeah, you may get the adulation of the people around you but how can you look at yourself in the mirror? How can you walk through life knowing that you’re wearing an uncomfortable mask that hides your inner beauty?

There isn’t a need to change anything that isn’t an immediate threat to your health. To exist in a stone cold prison like a public high school, or the world in general, you must walk with your head upright. Your self-esteem should be so high and your self-image should be so positive that you should almost be arrogant! People that you don’t even know will try to block your destiny and break you down but it’s up to you to brush off their negativity and keep it moving.

I’m a young man that values a young woman that knows who she is. Unfortunately, I don’t come in contact with many young women like that because they’re seemingly lost in the crowd of thots, groupies, manipulators and vanity slaves that plague the world. And the few ones I do see are in productive relationships with good brothers that know how to value them. It’s a catch 22 but I know how the game is played.

The thugs, players and heartbreakers get their pick of the litter of the supposed “top-tier” females (usually based on looks only).bild-1 Even the BMS (Business Minded Sisters) fall susceptible to their whims. Meanwhile the BMBs of the world are looked down on for being too focused on their goals and “boring”. But, in ten years or less, these same females that looked down at us BMBs will be choosing up when the guys they wanted back in the day bounce on them and we got wealth, power and influence.

Same ol’ story, just a different generation. When will we ever learn?

Long story short, don’t change yourself to garner our attention. Worry about yourself and what makes you happy. Most guys don’t even understand how you get down anyway! Don’t lose yourself. Be comfortable in the skin you in and you’ll will receive dividends that are substantial.

In relation to Tiny, we can’t shame her for what she does. It’s her life and it doesn’t concern us! She should be cognizant of what she does due to her status though. Not only are her millions of fans watching her moves but her children as well. I’ll leave it at that………

 

#MissingTeenAlert: All my folks in Georgia be on the lookout. Fifteen year old Destiny Taylor has gone missing. Spread the word and bring this young lady back to her parents! 
#socialmediamobilization
#findourmissingchildren

Finding Destiny (Resized)

We came, we saw, we conquered! My debut publishing effort “Riverview High: Circumstances” reached #2 on the Amazon charts! Check it out on Amazon today. Don’t forget to leave a review!

http://www.amazon.com/Riverview-High-Circumstances-Young-Fiction-ebook/dp/B00O2FCWGY/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

“The Diary Of Aaliyah Anderson” is dropping this month!

Read The Pre-Release Preview: https://payhip.com/b/DhLU 

Preorder Now: http://www.amazon.com/Diary-Aaliyah-Anderson-Randall-Barnes/dp/0988762196/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404822785&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Diary+Of+Aaliyah+Anderson

10479108_10202155147739757_341243428_n

Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:

Email:[email protected]

Kik: @AuthorRandallB

Ask.Fm: @YoungandGiftedBooks

Twitter: @AuthorRandallB

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/randall.barnes.501

 

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“These H*es Ain’t Loyal”: Was Jamal Bryant Right?

“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.”

- Audre Lorde

This week, Empowerment Temple pastor Jamal Bryant has been under fire for a video that’s been circulating around the various social media websites recently. In Pastor Byrant’s latest sermon “I’m My Enemies Worst Nightmare” he decided to allude to R&B singer Chris Brown’s new smash radio single Loyal. In the heat of his sermon, Jamal Bryant said:

060414-national-pastor-jamal-bryant-says-controversial-loyal-lyric-during-sermonEvery sister, elbow another sister and say ‘he should’ve listened’! Every brother, would you tap another brother and say ‘I should’ve listened to her’! God help me. Old Saints, ‘yall forgive me but I gotta tell em these h*es ain’t loyal!”

After he made these comments, his congregation shouted and acted as if his comments didn’t offend them. But people got a hold of the video and started forming their own opinions. Jamal Bryant took to Twitter to defend the leaked parts of his sermon. He basically said that his comments were taken out of context and weren’t misogynistic in its nature. He retweeted this:

Now, I’m not here to debate morality and spirituality. I’m also not trying  to  debate over if Pastor Bryant’s comments were right for a church  setting. That’s  not my focus and it’s petty trying to debunk someone’s  beliefs or opinions.  However, I want to confront a broader issue that’s  stemmed from this incident.

Why is the word misogyny thrown out so lightly? Everything that any  black man  says about a woman is labeled as misogynistic. We need to  make it known what  misogyny really is. Merriam-Webster defines the  word as “a hatred of women”.  Even though the definition is incredibly  brief, it’s speaks for itself.

What was misogynistic about Jamal Bryant’s comments? I listened to the whole sermon and, outside that one moment towards the middle of the sermon, it wasn’t anything remotely alarming. He was speaking for the male members of the church, saying that their church experience is vastly different from that of women because of our natural mindsets. It’s documented that women are emotional beings while men thrive on logic and fact. He pointed this out, using specific vernacular to get a rise out of his congregation like every modern day preacher. Nothing more, nothing less.

To go even deeper, he made his message clear that both young men and young women are under attack by the “enemy”. After taking a listen to the sermon in its entirety, you can tell that Pastor Bryant wasn’t talking in a spiteful, misogynistic tone at all. I thoroughly listened to the sermon trying to make sure I didn’t miss anything. In my honest opinion, his comments were taken out of context. But, it’s not the least bit surprising.

We’re seeing media manipulation at work family. We need to understand that, in an argument or debate, the person with the most persuasive skill always has the upper hand. The media can have a title that’s biased but attention grabbing and easily sway the average person that decides not to research further to accept their stance. That’s true power.

Have your own opinion on the matter. I like starting intelligent discussions! But, look at all the facts on the table. Actually take a listen to the sermon before you start throwing shots! My only question to you is this: looking at the context of his words and the download (7)current state of relationship affairs (especially in the black community) was he right or wrong?

 

 Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:

Email: [email protected]

Kik: @AuthorRandallB

Ask.Fm: @YoungandGiftedBooks

Twitter: @AuthorRandallB

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/randall.barnes.501

 

Check out a preview of my forthcoming Young Adult novel The Diary of Aaliyah Anderson on Wattpad!

http://www.wattpad.com/story/6314747-the-diary-of-aaliyah-anderson

 

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Man Rule for the Ladies: As T.I. Told His Wife, Stop Exposing Yourself To Social Media

This has been a hot topic in many circles lately, so it is good TI and Tiny have brought it into the public. Should ladies expose themselves on social media websites like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter? Expose in the since of taking provocative pictures in skimpy clothing, sitting atop a sink, or any other lady curve lead.

The general man rule says no. This isn’t a good look.

Men are not big on having their women flaunting their goodies all over social media. This is why the vast majority of the women doing it are single…and will remain single.

TinySure, you have many suitors calling, asking to take you out for dinner or hit it, but who wants to to put a ring on it? Not many when it boils down to it. Men who chase women like this are merely hunting and circling fresh meat. If you are going to put it out there like that, these are the men you are going to meet. They will tell you what you need to hear to reach their objective.

A woman that is willing to make herself seen by the public isn’t the type of woman the so called good man wants or needs. He wants to keep all the goodies for himself. I’m not saying every man because I know you think your man (or future man) is different. Ok, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

T.I. Calls Tiny Out for Instagram Pictures.

Tiny, rapper T.I.’s wife, was posting pictures on Instagram that featured her backside lately. Apparently, it got to be too much for T.I., so on one of his pictures he commented.

U have so much more going for u other than your a$. Although it is magnificent,  I think u should spend just as much time showcasing those other things as u do ya booty..awesome pic luv.

To which Tiny responded:

I wasn’t showing off my ass in this pic it was about my waist..u just looking at the ass bae! U no I wasn’t saying getting my sh-t together about my ass now don’t u? But glad u like it bae

Source: Necole Bitchie.com: T.I. Tells His Wife To Stop Posting Her A$$ On Instagram 

What is funny about Tiny’s response is she is probably being sincere with her response. However, T.I. knows what the real deal is. And people like to get ideas.

You see the Muslim men like to keep their woman covered from head to toe.

Many black men are not going that far, but they will prefer a ban of revealing selfies on your social media accounts.

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Ladies, Do You Need a Man to Make You Feel Complete?

Remember in the year 2000 when Destiny’s Child dropped Independent Women Part 1? Raise your hand if that was your anthem for a minute. Along with other anthems such as No Scrubs and He Wasn’t Man Enough, a lot of us were declaring our independence, which is great. There were also women out there who, maybe not as boldly, announced that being in a relationship made them feel whole. We all know the girlfriend who feels inadequate when she’s single, and invincible when she’s spoken for. So I wonder: do you need a man to make you feel complete?

Short Answer: No.

DestinysChildWomen do not need a man to feel complete. If you want to get into the nitty gritty of it all, women can do what men can do for us. We don’t need a man to be the bread winner: we have our own jobs. We don’t need a man to take care of repairs around the house: we have our own tools. We don’t need a man to make us feel good about ourselves: like Katt Williams says, it’s called self-esteem. (Albeit he said it a little differently). So if we have all those bases covered, what is left?

Long Answer: Complete Is the Wrong Word.

So now that the independent woman rant is over, let me explain. Do we need men to make us feel complete? I think complete is the wrong word. Yes, I named reasons why we don’t need men, but let’s be honest. Sometimes, a man can make things a lot easier for us.

Do we need a sole bread winner? No, but in this day in age, dual income definitely helps us live the American Dream. Sure, I have my own tools, but if I’ve got other things to be concerned about, how nice would it be for my husband to get to the repairs for me? Self-esteem is essential, but a man who appreciates you taking care of your physical appearance can put you on cloud 9.

Men don’t complete us, or at least they shouldn’t. There are a lot of women who are codependent when it comes to their significant other. It’s very easy for us to lose ourselves in our men, and completely forget who we are as individuals. But a truly healthy relationship is birthed out of being complete despite being in a relationship. The self-help gurus always harp on this but it’s because it’s true. When you love yourself, you have more to give. When you’re complete, and your partner is complete, you both enhance each other. That’s the word I would use.

Now for the proudly single independent women out there, I hear you, and I feel you. I applaud you, and I’m cheering you on. Do what you need to do, do what you want to do. For those who are not so happy about being single, relax. The last thing you want to do is be in a relationship solely for the sake of saying you’re in one. If you feel you need a man to complete you, that should indicate you have some more self-love to work on. That missing piece is you.

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5 Reasons Black Women Should Avoid Plastic Surgery

The most beautiful women on the planet are black women. There is no doubt about it my mind. The problem is at times some of them don’t believe it. They have self doubt and they consider altering their image to fill the void.

The plastic surgery industry is booming in this country. However, up until less than a decade ago, it hadn’t really penetrated the black market. Today, it is a viable option to sisters around the world, but I think it is terrible mistake and wanted to take the time now to point out why black women should avoid plastic surgery.

Lil KimIt Is Expensive

Obviously, it depends on which surgery or surgeries you are getting done, but more than likely going under the knife is going to be expensive. According to reports, the average cost of plastic surgery $4,000 per treatment in the United States. The price could skyrocket from there.

Once You Start You Can’t Stop (Regular Maintenance)

The trick to plastic surgery is it is not a one time solution. The results do not last a life time. You must continue to go back for regular maintenance to keep the look in place. This means you have to spend more money in addition to your initial investment. The total cost can add up quickly.

Be Thankful for What the Lord Blessed You With

Aging isn’t something we like to think about or experience, but it is the natural progression of life. To try and fight this is futile, but also doesn’t show appreciate for the body,vessel you have been blessed with in this life. Maybe instead of trying to spruce up the exterior of your body, you should work on the interior of your mind to become at peace with the only body you will ever have.

Black Don’t Crack….If You Take Care Of Yourself

Our people come from great genes. You must understand this. If you are diligent to drink your water, exercise and eat right, then there will be no need for plastic surgery. Putting yourself through the pain, uncomfortable feelings and financial strain isn’t necessary when you take care of yourself.

Potentially Harmful (like those crazy butt injections)

Plastic surgery may make you “look” better for a while, but it is seriously dangerous. Things go wrong all the time. Take those crazy butt  injections for example. Women want to desperately have some booty, so they are injecting theemselves with cement an all sorts of other things to inflate their backsides. Some of these women are dying as a result.

Sure that is an extreme case and mostly the black market, but think about your girl, Lil Kim. She looks like a Muppet and she has much more money to get it done right than most of us. If money can’t guarantee a good look, then everyone is in potential danger that goes under the knife.

Read More: 8 Ways Black Women Allowed Courting And Chivalry To Die In The Black Community

Black Men Prefer Natural Women

Speaking a black men, don’t do it ladies. You were made to be naturally beautiful in all phases of your life and black men appreciate your natural beauty. I know you see these older men chasing younger women, but they are not the ones for you. Allow them to chase the illusion of their youth, but not you. You remain loyal to your true self and enjoy the journey of life.

We all want to mental and physical improvements in our lives, but I don’t think plastic surgery is the answer for black women. If you just take care of yourself, then you will look age appropriate and beautiful for the rest of your life, but that is my opinion, what’s yours?

Should black women avoid plastic surgery or go under the knife?

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7 Black Relationship Failures Are Keeping Strip Clubs Rich

It is no secret, black men in our community frequent the strip clubs. If you are not aware of this, then something is wrong with you or you just haven’t been paying much attention. Either way, this is a reality in our community and one I find interesting as I’m not the strip club type of guy.

We thought it would be interesting to explore the 7 black relationship issues that keep men in the strip club. Would love to hear your thoughts and opinion on the article after you read below.

strippersThe Woman Doesn’t Keep Herself In Shape

Relationships tend to start with both parties feeling some sort of sexual attraction to one another. Most people would agree with this. However, over time if one of the partners allow their physical appearance to fall away or their physical shape, weight in check, then it can cause problems. If it is the woman, then it could lead to the man visiting the male establishments.

Men are visual creatures that enjoy looking at their lady to drive sexual arousal. This is natural, but also why women who lose their physical sex appeal might have men who visit the strip clubs.

I’m not saying the lose of shape and figure isn’t always justified, ladies. Birthing children is no joke and I completely understand it changes the body. Unless you have a man who understands this, can appreciate the change because of the beauty of child birth, then it could lead to problems and trips to the club. This is just the fact.

Men Fail To Articulate Desires To Mate

If a man doesn’t have the chops or honesty to tell their mate some of their desires, then it could lead to them frequenting the strip clubs. They may want to see their woman dancing slightly dressed in order to fulfill their fantasy, but don’t have the courage to let the woman know about it.

This isn’t fair to the woman if she has a problem with her man going to these clubs. The man should be open and honest enough about their desires to let their woman know, but many aren’t.

Sexual Chemistry Dwindles

Unfortunately, couples sometimes drift apart in the sexual chemistry area. Over time, you may find you are not compatible or don’t work together for a variety of reasons. This could lead to the men stepping out to adult establishments to fill the void.

Men No Longer Feel Desired By Their Mate

Specifically, if the male in the relationship doesn’t feel like his woman desires him, then he could go to the adult establishments to fill that void. The ladies in the clubs do a great job of making a man feel like a man. This is very important to the psyche of men even if they are only doing it for the money.

Woman Isn’t Willing To Explore In The Bedroom

If the lady in the relationship is afraid to explore in the bedroom, then it could lead to a variety of problems. One of which is the male attending male establishments. The wants and desires of men change over time and if his mate is uninterested or willing to try them, then he will seek other avenues to fill the void. Before stepping out on the relationship, he might try the adult clubs.

Woman Stresses the Man Out

If the woman is constantly stressing her man out, he may turn to the adult clubs for relaxation, stress free environment, and the company of a woman that makes him feel good. Arguments and constant nagging can drain anyone, so if you see your man shutting down and not participating in the conversations any more, he might be thinking about where he is going to go to find a release.

Man Has an Addiction

Last but not least, the male in a relationship could just have an an addition. Some men just flat out enjoy looking at women in a sexual manner as objects of fulfillment. The strip clubs are places set up to do just this and men are able to feel comfortable gawking over the talent on stage.

Overall, there are many more reasons any man might go to the strip club, but we want to hear from you.

Why would men want to attend strip clubs?

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DAMN GINA: Our 6 Favorite Martin And Gina Moments

One of our favorite black TV couples are Martin and Gina Payne from the 90s hit sitcom Martin. Played by Martin Lawrence and Tisha Campbell-Martin, the showed aired from 1992 to 1997 with 5 seasons and 132 episodes. The couple gave us a lot of laughter and quite a few loving moments. Here are 6 of our favorite Martin & Gina moments.

Damn Gina!

Martin Meets the Parents

On the episode The Parents Are Coming, Martin got a chance to meet Gina’s parents. In an attempt to impress them, Martin took advice from Cole (SMH) and acted like his persona on the radio. What a first impression it was.

Martin Thinks Gina’s Cheating

Martin swore up and down that his girl Gina was cheating on him. And Tommy and Cole went with him to confront her. Once she came back to the hotel room, Martin heard a lot of stuff he wasn’t happy with. Then, SURPRISE!

Martin & Gina Double Date

Remember The Break Up episode when Martin and Gina broke up, and they both dated other people? Gina was setup with Pam’s crazy minister cousin Leon, played by David Allen Grier. Tommy and Cole took Martin out to the club, and he met a young woman named Nicole, played by a young Lark Voorhies (also known as Lisa Turtle from Saved by the Bell or Mercedes Langford from In the House). Both dates were at the same restaurant, and an unexpected, and hilarious, double date occurred.

An Awkward Dinner

On the episode You’re All I Need, Martin was trying to impress Jim Bozack, played by Jim Morris, in order to further his career. So he and Gina went out with Jim and his wife Lena, played by Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Kenya Moore. This awkward dinner had Martin in some hot water with Gina.

When Martin Proposed to Gina

Fans had been waiting for the day when Martin would finally ask Gina to be his wife. And we got it, with this lovely serenade from Brian McKnight.

The Wedding

The wedding we all waited for. Martin and Gina tied the knot on a beach with Babyface singing on the episode Wedding Bell Blues. This episode aired May 11, 1995.

What are your favorite Martin & Gina moments?

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11 Being Mary Jane Relationship Lessons For Black Women

It’s true. I watch “Being Mary Jane”, the hit show on BET featuring Gabriel Union. I’m not ashamed to say it. The show is very entertaining, interesting, layered, and insightful…but are there any relationship lessons for black women in the show? Yes!

Mary Jane is involved in a relationship with a married man on the show. They dropped some statistics that caught me off guard. According to the show, 42% of married people have affairs with 20% of single women sleeping with married men. These stats shocked me a bit to be honest, but I guess infidelity and women getting involved in these relationships are real.

Here are the 11 lessons from Being Mary Jane for Black Women

being mary janeLove Isn’t Worth Your Morals

Although it can be magical, love isn’t worth the weight, sadness, and longevity of giving up your morals. You must not compromise the values of your upbringing just because something feels good. You have to be bigger than that or else it will eat you alive from the inside out.

When Mary Jane was discovered by her brother to be cheating with a married man, she really took it hard. It wasn’t until someone else saw and knew what she was doing did she realize how foul she really was. Not sure yet if it is enough to get her out of the relationship, but her values and moral compass was clearly rocked.

Love Can Be An Addiction

The scene where Mary Jane’s brother is walking her through the signs of addition was powerful because it is true. Love can be horrible for your future, sense of self and morals as discussed earlier.

You end up isolated, lonely, constantly thinking about this addiction It can negative impact your health, social life, work, relationships with family and friends sending you down a spiraling tract you don’t want to see what’s at the bottom. Do yourself a favor and snap out of it, SOON!

A Proposal Can Be A Carrot Just To Keep You On The Hook

My wife and I differ on the intent of the married man in this show, but we agree black women must realize it is possible this is just a ploy to keep you on the hook. Men in the black community seem adverse to marriage on whole, so many will use the ring, proposal and dream of marriage as a carrot to keep you around or on the hook.

Sounds devious, but it has happened before and will happen again. You can bet the farm on this one. The key is not to be this woman hanging around waiting for a married man who isn’t going to marry you, but just wants your goodies.

Don’t Allow Someone To Start With You If They Are Not Finished Someone Else

One key to avoiding the last point is to not allow someone to start with you if they are not finished with someone else. If they have their foot on both sides of the gate, you will not get the attention, love and respect you deserve in your relationships.

Sure, you can meet new people, but don’t allow the relationship to build. It can lead to stress and heart break. Let’s face it, these are two things you can use less of in your life.

And Don’t Start Something New If You Are Not Finished

Just like the last lesson, you should make sure don’t start a new relationship when you are not finished with your old one. Don’t cheat the person you meet with your baggage from your last relationship. Nip it in the bud and move on to the future. You will be don’t all parties involved a huge favor.

Last point on this, hanging on to your past can ruin your future. You will not give your all to the next person or even find the best person if you are clinging on to your past relationship. Don’t do it!

Continue Reading Lessons 6 to 11 Here:

11 Being Mary Jane Relationship Lessons For Black Women – Part 2

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11 Being Mary Jane Relationship Lessons For Black Women – Part 2

Hopefully you have had an opportunity to read part 1 of “11 Being Mary Jane Relationship Lessons For Black Women” because this is part two. Part one is linked below, so be sure to check it out, but let’s get into the rest of the article now.

If All Your “Dates” Are At Your House It Isn’t Real

Mary Jane got real when she was telling the married man this relationship wasn’t working for her. She talked about not being able to go to the gas station, can’t hang with family, corporate functions with him. She was very sad.

Being_Mary_Jane_630x420It is very true for you in your relationships as well. If the only place you are being seen with your new “man” is in your home, you are not in a real relationship. You need to to respect yourself enough to demand someone that will be with you all times and you are able to go out with in the city.

Read Part 1: 11 Being Mary Jane Relationship Lessons For Black Women

Can You Really Be In Love With Someone When You Have Only Seen Them In One Setting?

Don’t kid yourselves, ladies? You cannot fully love someone you only know inside your home. It just isn’t possible. Love is multi-layered and more complex than this. You have no idea how this person interacts with his friend, family. You don’t know how they live, perform at work. In short, you don’t know anything about them outside of what they want you to know and see inside the comfort of your own home. This isn’t love or a relationship. You are being used.

He Will Have His Cake And Eat It Too As Long As You Let Him

As long as you allow him to continue using you, then he will. He will not end it for fear that you might go psycho and blow up his real relationship. Therefore, he will drag on the relationship having his cake and eating it as well as long as you allow him. If you don’t grow a backbone and demand more from your relationship, then you will continue to be used until you are all used up.

If You The Side Piece, Stay In Your Lane

This is definitely not a position we are advocating, but some of you are happy with being the side piece. If this is your role and you are ok with it, then stay in your lane and receive your “benefits”. One of Mary Jane’s girlfriends said during their “girl’s night”, she loves being the side piece because of all the benefits, gifts, trips and her personal time she gets. This may be your thing. If so, then stay in your lane.

Do not approach the wife with your mess and give her any additional stress or confrontation. That is foul. And if you are going to blow up the spot, then do it in a subtle manner. Remember, the wife doesn’t know you exist. She is being lied to as well and should be respected.

Be Careful And Don’t Move Too Fast

Getting back to reasonable lessons from “Being Mary Jane”, slow down. You don’t have to rush into any relationship. If things are beginning to move too quickly, then take a step back to make sure you are dealing with a person of integrity or it could bite you in the backside.

Think about the show. Mary Jane gave the gate code to her house to a man and didn’t even know he was married. I’m not sure how in the world this happens unless she is rushing into something too quickly or is thirsty for a man. This can get you into trouble and it might not just be relationship trouble. Be careful, ladies.

Bottom Line: You Deserve More Than Stolen Moments

You should be more important to yourself than to accept a few stolen moments from a mate. Make no mistake, if you are dealing with a married man, your time with them are merely stolen moments because they should be somewhere else. 99/100 times, he isn’t telling his wife the truth and lying to spend time with you. These are stolen moments.

You deserve more!

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6 Ways Facebook And Social Media Can Ruin Your Relationship

Social media, especially Facebook, is fun. Let’s face it. We all love it. This is why these budding media outlets are growing at exponential rates. They are wonderful. However, danger lurks when it comes to your relationships, so beware.

Today, we want to discuss these dangers to your relationships of Facebook and social media. The aim here is to ensure you are not making these mistakes leaving your relationships open and vulnerable. You must realize that you have good intentions when sharing information and interacting on social media, but not everyone shares your perspective. Some people are out there to cause your relationships harm.

Black-Couple-Arguing-pointing6 Ways Facebook And Social Media Can Ruin Your Relationship

Let’s get down to business and cover these hidden relationship dangers. Here are my reasons I think you have to be careful navigating the social media waters so your relationship doesn’t drown.

Sharing Every Detail Of Your Relationship

Relationships need privacy and special moments that only exist between two people. This is something difficult to maintain during the world of social media. We are trained to share any and everything happening during our day and this is what people are doing. This is very detrimental to the health of romantic relationships because there are no more private moments between the couple. Everyone is invited into the relationship and they all don’t have good intentions.

Posting Too Many Selfies

I hate to see so many people, mainly women, posting selfies of themselves. You clearly don’t understand that men don’t want people gawking over their woman. When you share these images it may be with the best intentions, but there are people drooling over them. This isn’t what your partner want to see or think about. They would much rather you share those images with them, particularly if they are provocative.

Too Many People In Your Business

Flat out, no one likes people in their business. Keeping your business and relationship in the world of social media is an open invitation to bring other people into your business. They know what you are doing. Where you have been. What are you are eating, like, dislike and who you are hanging with. It is dangerous for your relationship.

Temptation Lurks

Hanging out on social media and sites like Facebook opens the door to conversations with other people you may find attractive physically or mentally. And if you are not secure in your relationship, you may crack that door and eventually give in to temptation. And don’t even bring up the Ex who friends you and stalks all of your statuses. This is another means of communication where they can hang on to the hope of getting you back.

Jealousy Because Of Comments And Likes

Jealousy is dangerous in any relationship and you never know what is going to trigger it. Being active on social media makes it possible for former Exes or people that like you to comment, like and interact on your status updates. If the same person is doing this over and over again, your partner may not appreciate this. You have to consider the feelings of your mate in this situation and ask the offending person to fall back or exist your relationship because you are headed for trouble.

Do You Share Access To Your Accounts?

This is a dangerous relationship question because some people feel access to their accounts are off limits to their mates. Other people feel like having open social media accounts and emails are a must in a relationship because it confirms trust and accountability to the relationship. It is a double edge sword because it can be trouble either way, but it is a conversation that every relationship should have at some point to ensure you are on the same page.

Social media and Facebook can be a great way to meet your potential mates, but it can create problems when you are in the relationship if you are not careful.

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