Listen, I love this HBCU and black empowerment thing but I really think my calling is being a relationship columnist or something. I have some opinions for you! My viewpoint is so different on relationships. I wonder why sometimes. Maybe it’s because I raised in a stable environment with an old-school father that raised me on the principles of being a strong black man and a mother that knew how to properly nurture a black man. Maybe it’s due to my unique experiences. I didn’t get the “I want to be a player and be with every halfway decent looking girl I see” bug like the other guys my age did. I was too busy writing books for the girls these guys were trying to get with.
So, I apologize in advance if my viewpoint on relationships is a little bit different. Man, my philosophy on relationships seems to be out of this world. I actually believe in honoring commitments to the young women I say that I’m exclusively dealing with. I still believe in walking young women I have out late at night. I really believe that I can have a conversation with you without sexualizing you. Surely, this type of guy is too “old fashion” for the millennial dating world today!
There’s a lot of people to blame when you look at this issue with relationships in this century. I even call guys to task, as we continue this cycle of sex before truly learning the heart and mind of the people. However, my biggest beef is with the people that came up with this whole “Netflix & Chill” phenomenon! If you don’t know, “Netflix & Chill” is defined as “an internet slang term used as an invitation to watch Netflix together, and is also often used as a euphemism for sex.” You read that correctly. This generation found a way to make kicking back and spending time with your lady a ploy to get sex. Now, everyone is on alert because they don’t want to get “caught chilling” as they aspire towards a relationship.
I had a talk with my father yesterday about what a date is to him. He believes that a date is a time where you spend time with someone you’re courting. What you do in that point in time doesn’t have to be extravagant. Going out to park is a date, just as significant as going to the prom. In his context, even inviting the woman or man that you’re courting to your house to watch a movie is a date in itself. Pretty simple right? Nah, not to my millennial women.
Being over at your house isn’t a date. We’re “chilling”! Now, chilling has no real set definition and even taking sex out of the equation means nothing to a lot of these young women in the dating world. Even if you intentions aren’t to be sexual, they still think that you want to have sex with them so it’s nothing romantic that you’re doing. You’re just “chilling”.
Let me tell you what I think. I think that we have the concept of dating and relationships all messed up. I have the solution though! Maybe we should back up and stop trying to hop into relationships at the blink of an eye. Then, we can move the lack of trust out the window. Why? Because, you’re building a friendship! A friendship should be the first step to any substantial relationship. If you’re not friends with the person you’re dating, what are you? You don’t create love and trust within a relationship. It should already be there for that person and grow as the days, months and even years roll on.
Looking at the partnerships as “friendships” would make it easier on our interactions with one another. First, it quantifies the guy. If he doesn’t want to be friends with you that should tell you everything you need to know about him. He’s not here for you, just what you can give him. Second, it demystifies the aforementioned social interactions. Now, we’ve killed “Netflix & Chill”. I’m just inviting you over to spend time and watch a movie with you. Maybe we talk and laugh and eat. If it goes another way, it just is what it is. That wasn’t the intent though. The intent was to spend time with your “friend”.
There’s nothing wrong with building towards a relationship in the midst of being in a friendship. To me, being friend-zoned is either you’re moving too fast for the person you’re pursuing or you’re just being rejected and you want to spin it to make it seem like it’s the other person that’s tripping. You don’t have to rush to build a relationship in a friend zone. It’ll either naturally come or it won’t. And if it doesn’t, that’s ok. You have a friend you can rock with and turn to for fun just in case.
No lie, dealing with the relationships in this generation is frustrating. I hate having to tiptoe around to not set off the alarms of these young women’s hearts because some other dude forced them to guard it. I just want to have fun and build a friendship with special young women. It’ll go wherever God and life takes it after that. Do you think that I could get a time machine from Amazon that’ll take me back to when my Dad was my age? I think I’ll exist better over there!
Check out my Thanksgiving Story “I’m Thankful For My Ex” on Wattpad & YouTube!