This weekend, the OWN TV show Iyanla Fix My Life featured a couple who were on the rocks after 20 years of marriage. In one part of the episode, the man informed his wife that when he asked her to marry him, he was “joking”. He wasn’t ready to get married, and he didn’t want to get married. While this is a betrayal of epic proportion, especially after years of being together, many people have experienced this to some degree.
After dating your significant other for a while, the two of you may be talking about a future together. It sounds wonderful, and you anticipate the day where the two of you will get married. So when he pops the question, you’re excited and emotional. This is what you’ve been waiting for! However, there are a few things you should ask your partner before you accept the proposal.
“Are you sure this is what you want?”
You would think that a lot of thought goes into the big question before it’s asked, but sometimes, it’s asked on impulse or unclear thinking. Your relationship could be going very well, and engagement (then marriage) seems like the most obvious next step. However, some people have drastically different reasons for getting married.
Your partner’s response can give you insight as to what they’re really thinking. There’s no “right answer” necessarily, but there are certainly a few wrong ones. One of those answers is out of obligation. You don’t want to marry someone because they feel that they have to. This will certainly build resentment over time. Hesitation is also something to take heed of. And if you have any reservations, you should take that into account as well.
“Where do you see us in the future?”
This question is huge, because if you two have conflicting views, this may cause troubles down the line. Where does your partner see the two of you 10, 20, and 30 years from now? Do you guys have the same future in mind? Do you both see yourselves growing old with each other? Are you all on what I like to call “the same wavelength”?
Some of what goes into this question includes the lifestyle you two envision. Are you in agreement about children? Are you both supportive of each other’s goals? Are they going to take the vows “for richer or for poorer, through sickness and through health, until death do us part” seriously? Or do you think when thick and thin comes into play, your marriage may not weather the storm?
“Are you ready for change?”
I once heard or read that women get married expecting to change a man, and men get married expecting their wife will never change. Some couples get married because things are going good at the moment they’re dating. The honeymoon phase eventually ends. Married life is different from dating life. Change is inevitable in a long term relationship, but you can’t make someone change. Are you and your significant other ready for that?
Marriage is something to take seriously, as it’s meant to be a lifelong commitment. These questions are not the only ones; you and your significant other have a lot to discuss before you get married. Discussing financial expectations, religious and spiritual beliefs, and work goals are very important. And, you have some questions you should ask yourself too. These questions aren’t meant to ruin the magical moment, but they’re meant to give you a more realistic look if marriage between you two is the right decision.