Do Women Want To Be Objectified Or Desired?

“A woman should have more to offer than how good she looks. The true value of a young black woman is her mind.”

- Natasha Anderson to Aaliyah Anderson, “The Diary Of Aaliyah Anderson”

Aimlessly scrolling through Facebook, I ran across an interesting article that my role model Michael Baisden posted to his Facebook fan page. The article was entitled  Do Women Want To Be Objectified? by Dr. Juliana Breines of Psychology Today is one of the most on point websites that I read on a daily so I decided to take some time out to read the write-up. And it was incredibly eye opening and motivated me to add in my two cents on the topic.

The lovely Gabrielle Dennis who played "Janay" on "The Game.

The lovely Gabrielle Dennis who played “Janay” on “The Game”.

The article was bore out of a quote by actress Cameron Diaz. In a recent interview she said, “I think every woman does want to be objectified.” Dr. Breines goes on to break down the meaning of sexual objectification and observational studies that both support and contradict Diaz’s quote. In a nutshell, the studies showed that many of the women observed just didn’t feel comfortable in the skin they were in. According to the article, the act of  “self-objectification” is bore out of vanity and can distract from successful intimate relationship building. Dr. Breines says:

Even if you look like a supermodel (the missing demographic at neuroscience conferences, according to the professor mentioned above), this objectifying gaze, and your chronic awareness of it, will undoubtedly interfere with your ability to get the most out of the conference. And even in situations where your goals are more romantic, preoccupation with appearance can detract from actually getting to know someone.”

Personally, I don’t like the word “objectification” that’s used in the article. While I understand where Dr. Breines is coming from, I don’t feel as if anybody wants to be “objectified”. Merrium-Webster defines the word objectify as “treating an individual as an object”. I think the word that better fits the content of the article and the information that she was discerning is “desire”. Merrium-Webster defines desire as “wanting or wishing for something: to feel desire for (something)”.

The change of verbiage really makes the article more powerful in its content. Women simply want to feel desired both in normal social settings and intimate relationships. You can desire a person in every conceivable way, especially sexually. However, we allow our sexuality to contort our reality of what an ideal partner is. Sexual compatibility is important but what happened to just plain out admiring your significant other? Is the act of sexual intercourse the only way we can show love in this society?


I know that I personally desire a woman that can attract me with her femininity, intelligence and dynamic personality. As a BMB (Business Minded Brother), my needs go beyond the bedroom. Sex doesn’t drive or control me. I openly proclaim it and stand by it. The taming of my sexuality helps me in gauging the worth of a potential female friend, acquaintance or even girlfriend without factoring in how good she looks. If they serve in advancing my cause and breathing life into me, they become a part of my circle. Likewise, if they prove to be proverbially cancerous to what I stand for, they get cut off. I don’t have time to play games with li’l girls!


All in all, the article was eye opening and caused me to think critically about the state of affairs we’re in as a society when “objectification” is the key driving factor of young women in this society. All I know is that I will forever preach that women should be well-rounded and diverse in every area and shouldn’t be limited to just being a pretty face, salvageable body or sex machine. If a guy can only see you as that, maybe you made the wrong choice. I’m just saying! There’s better options out here…….



The Randall Barnes Experience

-We came, we saw, we conquered! My debut publishing effort “Riverview High: Circumstances” reached #2 on the Amazon charts! Check it out on Amazon today. Don’t forget to leave a review!

-“The Diary Of Aaliyah Anderson” is out now! Make sure to go get it!

Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:

Email:[email protected]

Kik: @AuthorRandallB

Ask.Fm: @YoungandGiftedBooks

Twitter: @AuthorRandallB





Use Facebook to Comment on this Post